


The Map From You to Me

by Melusine11



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Wild Kylo Appears, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Holidays, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kylo is a cat - Freeform, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, health scare, stroke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-01-29 18:20:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21414583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melusine11/pseuds/Melusine11
Summary: Rey makes a split second decision in a bar, faking a relationship with Ben to fend off a creep. Ben makes a split second decision to return the favor. There's nothing that could go wrong, except they're spending Thanksgiving with his family.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 262
Kudos: 522
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts), The Pink Ladies Love Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaybohls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaybohls/gifts).

> This fic technically fills two prompts I filched for inspo over on the Reylo prompts page, one of them gets a more through treatment than the other, but both have lasting repercussions:  
_ Ben and Rey are casual friends out and about and she gets hit on when he leaves for five seconds so she subtly switches a ring from her right hand to her left hand and acts like they're married when he comes back. He is flustered, but plays along, and thinks that ring looks very pretty on her left hand._  
_Ben's parents throw a party and insist on his attendance, but when he gets into a fight because his parents want to know why he hasn't married, he announces his engagement to Rey, his friend who came along for emotional support. Rey's as stunned as they are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She’s known Ben for years now, they hang out, they’re friends, really good friends. She’s met his entire family and she’s got a standing invite with his family to come to all parties and holiday functions. It’s fine, it’s fun. She likes him, enjoys his company, his dry sense of humor, plus, he’s a surprisingly _great_ charades partner. They have a standing platonic date on Friday evenings, to catch up and bullshit. Sometimes, they go out to eat, or get drinks, sometimes Finn, Rose, and Poe join them too. Even more rare are the evenings when Hux and Phasma also come along. 

It’s just the two of them tonight, sharing a tall bar table. He’s drinking an IPA, she’s sipping at a rum and coke between bites of nachos. She’s only half listening to what he’s saying about the hockey game on the TV, too busy trying to scoop up a stack of three jalapenos than to worry about an icing call. 

“I have to piss,” he announces, and Rey glances up to see it’s a commercial break. “I’ll grab another round on my way back.”

“All right,” she answers with a quick shrug, now attempting to excavate a chunk of shredded chicken. 

Ben wanders off but she barely notices, she _does_, however, notice the guy who sidles up to the table not even a minute after Ben is gone. She glances up, slowly pulling her hands from the surface of the table with a tight smile. “Can I help you?” she asks, fingers working quickly.

Rey watches him, he’s got that easy confidence of boys who were handed everything growing up, weren’t even anywhere near the top of their class, but still made it into an Ivy League school because Daddy had money. She wants to punch him in the face already. He inhales, making his lean chest look vaguely broad, in a sad sort of way and affects a weird sort of face that Rey imagines Chad, or whatever his name is, thinks is enticing. “You should be called Wifi. Because I'm starting to feel a real connection.”

“Impressive, since you haven’t actually said hello, or asked my name. Did you google top fifty terrible pick-up lines before coming over here?” Color rushes to his cheeks, and Rey glances behind him to catch the table he came from paying rapt attention to their interaction. “Did they put you up to this?”

“No!” He huffs, leaning even closer, and _god,_ Rey hates this bar, it’s official. “I just, you’re very pretty, and I was wondering.”

“What’s your name?” she interrupts, reaching for more nachos with her left hand. He doesn’t even look.

“Bryce.”

_Ugh, even worse than Chad_. She smiles, gaze flickering to the bar, and she smiles, slowly shoving food into her mouth. Rey decides he’s an idiot, full stop. 

“Nice to meet you, Bryce,” she tells him after swallowing her food and taking a long drink of the dregs of her rum and coke, it’s mostly watery nothing, but it buys her time. “I’m Rey, and this,” she says, reaching boldly for Ben, “is my husband, Ben.” Ben barely gets the drinks on the table before she’s dragging him closer, wrapping her arms around him and leaning in. “Ben, this is Bryce. He says he feels a connection with me.”

“He what?” Ben asks, sounding startled, but that’s most likely because Rey has dipped her hands into the back pockets of his jeans, and not because some idiot was hitting on his not wife.

“Look, man, I’m sorry, I didn’t - I’m just gonna go. Uhhh, nice meeting you.” Rey watches Bryce hastily retreat back to his table, face tucked against the soft material of Ben’s hoodie.

There’s a brief moment when nothing happens, and then Ben grunts. “What the fuck just happened?” 

“It’s called thinking on your feet, Solo,” Rey explains, only moving far enough away so she can grab her drink. “I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him, and I took care of it.”

“By saying we’re married?”

Rey rolls her eyes and grabs more nachos. “I’m gonna eat all of these, if you don’t start eating them. And yes, why not, I have a ring and I know how to use it.”

Ben glances down at her left hand and picks up his beer. “Wasn’t that your grandmother’s ring?”

“Yeah, wear it on my right hand, but switching it to my left to fend off creepy frat boys is a genius move. She would approve.”

Ben arches an eyebrow at her and finally pulls the tray of nachos away from her. “If you say so.”

“I do.” She stays pressed against him so she can continue to pick at the nachos, and eventually, he drapes an arm around her shoulders as he watches the game.

It’s chilly when they leave, Rey delving her hands into the pockets of her coat while Ben’s disappear into the pocket of his hoodie. She walks with him to the parking lot and waits on bouncing feet for him to unlock his car.

“You ever go to a real hockey game?” she asks as soon as she’s inside, wrestling with the seatbelt, fingers slightly clumsy from just a bit too much alcohol.

“Uh yeah, lots of times, just not any recently, why?”

“Just askin’, you know, since you like it so much.”

Ben hums, finally taking the belt from her and buckling it, then starts his car. Rey’s head sways from side to side as the radio plays a song she doesn’t know. Next to her Ben is silent, save for the quiet tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel as he drums along to the beat. When he finally stops in front of her building, she smiles over at him.

“Thanks for driving tonight.”

“Anytime.”

“And being the best husband I’ve ever had.”

He laughs at this and Rey grins. “I’ll see you next week?” she asks, already halfway out the door.

“Yup.”

She stands and then turns to lean back in “Text me when you get home.”

“Yes, dear.”

“Thank you, husband mine.”

“Goodnight Rey.”

Ben rolls his eyes and Rey winks before closing the door and waving. She walks to her door, gets in and turns to find him still waiting, like always, and like always she waves again then watches him drive off. With a sigh, she turns and makes her way to the elevators so she can get to her apartment.

Stripping out of her clothes in her bedroom, she kicks them all in the general direction of her hamper, knowing that’s a problem for Saturday and then trudges into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. 

Laying in bed, waiting for Ben to text, she holds her left hand up, wiggling her fingers in her face. The ring feels foreign on that hand, and her right hand feels naked without it, having been wearing it for nearly a decade now.

Her phone lights up beside her and she picks it up to read the simple message Ben sent, it’s the same one he sends every time he drives. ‘_Home_’. She sends a thumbs-up emoji back and then drops it back onto the bed, reaching to switch the ring back. It doesn’t budge.

“Shit,” she curses, sitting up, crossing her legs and wiggling the ring around. There’s no way her fingers are that different in size, is there? She tries until her finger is sore, and then falls backward with a groan. She can fix this. She _will_ fix this, but tomorrow, when she’s sober and not half asleep.

* * *

Ben can’t sleep. It’s almost two in the morning and he’s keyed up, pacing the foot of his bed. Kylo, his black maine coon is curled up there, watching his progress with a glare because it’s interrupting his sleep.

“Why kind of fucking name is Bryce anyway,” he finally spits, and Kylo stands, front paws stretching out, claws kneading into the comforter, before taking a step to stretch out his back legs. Ben watches as he jumps down from the bed and pads out of the bedroom.

“Thanks for your moral support,” he calls as Kylo’s tail twitches out of view. With a grumble he finally moves into his bathroom, pulling off his clothes while he turns on the shower.

He’d be a liar if he told anyone he had never thought of asking Rey out. Because he has, often. And while he’s hopeful she would say yes, there’s a part of him that tells him she’ll say no and that will be it, friendship over. So he doesn’t ask, and neither does she, and they hang out once a week, text frequently, and trounce their friends when they play charades. She makes him laugh and she laughs at his shitty jokes, and they just keep going.

Now though, now he isn’t sure how to stop thinking about it. His name attached to hers, or maybe she would hyphenate, or he could take hers. His ring on her finger, her warm body in his bed.

With a curse, he turns the water to cold and finishes up as quickly as possible. There’s no point in letting his mind wander further down that path tonight.

When he finally sleeps, Kylo curled up on the pillow next to him, it’s restless, full of dreams of longing, and he wakes up hard as a rock. He covers his mouth when he comes, so he can’t hear himself gasp her name, and then he showers once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Kristen!

Rey texts Ben throughout the weekend and week and things slowly settle back into normalcy, none of their friends suspecting anything strange between them, even after Rey gives them a dramatized retelling of the events that transpired when they all meet up again. And when Finn mentions the ring is still on her left hand she shrugs and informs them it’s stuck and she’s tried everything, and no she doesn’t want to cut it off, she can figure it out.

It’s the week of Thanksgiving and Rey has clearly not figured it out, Ben notices, as he walks beside her through the crowded grocery store. He’s here to pick up wine and she’s - well he’s not sure what she’s doing, and it’s clear she doesn’t know either.

“I just want to bake something,” she tells him, scrolling through recipes on her phone.

“Like what? Uncle Lando always brings way too many pies.”

“Dunno, what about cookies. I could do cookies, right?”

“Sure, get those little sugar cookie ones with the turkeys in it.”

Rey huffs and watches him start to load up the cart with bottles of reds, whites and a rosé for good measure. “I never bring anything and I’ve been going to your family’s holiday parties for _years_. I should probably contribute at some point.”

“Isn’t your sunny disposition enough?”

“Ben!”

“What? My parents love you, if they wanted you to bring something, they would ask. Honestly, I’m pretty sure they rely on you to make sure I drag my ass there every year.”

He watches her tap her fingers against her lips. “If I drive, I’m technically bringing you _and_ wine.”

“Doesn’t count.”

“Rude. Fine, let me go grab those cookies, I’m sure I can’t mess those up.” She strides off towards the dairy and cold foods section and Ben follows once he’s grabbed the last bottle he needs.

Later, in the checkout line, the cashier won’t stop looking between the two of them and the ridiculous combination of things they’ve purchased before rattling off the total. 

They get everything into the backseat of his car and then he drops Rey off. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow after work,” she tells him reaching into the back for her bag of premade cookie mix. “Do you want me to take any of this so you don’t have to worry about all of it?”

“Up to you,” he tells her with a shrug, watching as she gets out of the car and opens up the backdoor, grabbing three bags. “Thanks.”

“See ya!” He scowls as she gently kicks his door shut, waving awkwardly around the handles of the bags.

His mother calls on his way home and he assures her that yes he and Rey are still both coming, yes they would be there tomorrow per her request, yes he got the wine. She ends the call quickly because Luke is on the other line, he barely gets out his goodbye before the line goes dead.

Kylo is waiting inside the door, yowling at Ben as soon as the door closes behind him. “Well, maybe don’t eat so fast,” he sighs, following his cat to the kitchen where he weaves between his legs waiting for dinner. “There.” Ben pets him as Kylo shoves his face in the food bowl.

He eats cereal for dinner and then takes a shower. The next day at work is long, probably because he knows he’s about to have a four day weekend, but it just drags, only broken up by sporadic texts from Rey and two from Poe confirming he can check in on Kylo tomorrow.

He clears out his inbox, cleans and reorganizes his desk and then, along with everyone else in the company practically sprints out the front door at five. Rey is waiting, her car parked in his driveway when he gets home, garage door rattling open.

He leaves it open for her to follow him in. “How was work?” he asks as he steps out of his car and closes the door.

“It was work,” she sighs, following him into the house, “You?”

“Long. I’ll go grab my stuff.”

Rey hums as he wanders off. Kylo bolts past him and he can hear Rey fuss over him as he takes the stairs two at a time. He had packed last night, wanting to hopefully beat traffic. His parents didn’t live far, only an hour, but post rush hour holiday traffic was bound to be not that great. He changes out of his work clothes quickly, throwing on some jeans, sneakers and a well-worn shirt.

He comes back downstairs, shrugging into his sweatshirt, to find Rey sitting on his kitchen floor, fingers tickling the underside of Kylo’s chin as he lays sprawled out on his back in front of her. 

“Ready?” she asks, turning a bit to look at him.

“Just have to grab the rest of the wine and feed Kylo, and we’re ready.”

“Already fed him. He was being dramatic, acting like he was starving,” she turns back to the cat, “weren’t you, you silly thing?” Kylo just keeps on purring, only moving when Rey starts to stand, scrambling out of her way with a petulant sounding meow. “Baby,” she laughs, “you grab the wine and I’ll get you bag?” she offers.

“Sure,” Ben hands it over and then moves to retrieve the bags.

Rey waits on the small front porch as he makes sure everything is locked and then they load up her car.

“Where are the cookies?” Ben asks, not noticing them anywhere.

“The what?” Rey asks, blushing and not looking at him as she buckles her seatbelt.

“You burnt them, didn’t you?” Ben laughs and Rey’s head snaps up.

“No! Only half,” she admits with a pout, “and then I ate the other half, so ha.” She sticks out her tongue and Ben rolls his eyes and then they’re on their way.

Rey keeps scrolling through radio stations, getting annoyed every time she hears a Christmas song until Ben gets sick of it and just plugs in his phone, picking a random playlist to solve the problem.

They don’t hit too much traffic and spend the drive discussing upcoming shows and movies they want to see, Rey briefly tries to get him to play i-spy and then gives up when he keeps picking really obscure things she’s already driven by. She insists he’s cheating, he insists she’s not paying attention and then she scowls at him before reaching over to turn up the volume of the music.

When they finally turn onto his parent’s street, Rey singing quietly beside him, he’s ready to be out of the car, legs restless and feeling tight from the slightly smaller interior of Rey’s car. She parks on the street, leaf-strewn driveway already filled with cars Ben recognizes as belonging to Luke, Lando and one that belongs to his dad. He wonders which one is inside next to his moms this time.

Rey is out of the car before him, grabbing her suitcase and multiple bags. Ben winces at the sound of glass clinking together, mildly annoyed the kid at checkout didn’t offer them a box, and at himself for not thinking of it until now. He’s sure his mother will give him an earful about it, but there’s nothing for it. He grabs his stuff and the rest of the alcohol and follows Rey up the winding flagstone sidewalk to the front door.

Ben knocks his elbow against the doorbell and they barely have time to adjust their grips on their bags when the door is flung open, revealing a beaming Leia Organa.

“Ben! Rey! You made it! Come in, come in, how was traffic? Everyone is already here. Your father and the boys are out in the garage, you can go say ‘hi’ after you put your things away. Did you even get enough wine?” She laughs, leading the way into the large chef’s kitchen.

Maz is perched on one of the five stools that line the giant island in the center of the space. A large spread of light snacks: crackers, fruits, vegetables, cheeses, and desserts litter the top of the granite. Maz turns, munching on a carrot to grin at them both. “Took you long enough.”

“Blame, Rey, she drove this year,” Ben grumbles, making Rey laugh as they both hoist the wine onto the island.

“We made good time!” she argues, pulling bottles from the bags for Leia to inspect.

Ben watches as his mother inspects each bottle, separating them, some to go in the wine fridge in the kitchen, the rest will go to the latticework of built-in wine storage that occupies a small portion of the kitchen walls.

“I’ll be back,” Rey sighs after a moment, wandering out of the kitchen, likely towards the bathroom, and she’s barely out of sight before his mother pounces.

“Ben. Your father and I aren’t getting any younger, neither are you.” Her tone toes the line of gentle and stern. Ben crosses his arms over his chest and watches out of the corner of his eye as Maz tries to look like she isn’t listening intently. “I just don’t understand, you’re a successful, good looking man. A catch. I know I’m biased since I’m your mother, but it’s been so long since your last girlfriend, surely it’s time to-”

“Mom,” Ben interrupts. It’s the same thing every year, which is why he only visits once a year, a drastic cut back from the way things used to be, back before his mother and father kept casually mentioning they wanted him to be happy and not alone and Kylo didn’t actually count as a grandchild, and they’re sure he would change his mind about wanting actual children. He just wants out of this conversation. 

He wonders how likely it would be to be left alone in his room if he stole a bottle of wine or two and just holed up in there for the rest of the evening because it’s barely been five minutes and it’s too soon for all of this.

“You deserve to be happy, Ben.”

“I am happy, mom.” Then his mouth does that stupid thing it does where it just keeps moving before his brain can catch up with him and tell him it’s a terrible idea. Possibly the _worst_. “And engaged.” And _whoops_ the word slipped out already. Leia’s mouth falls open in shock, surprise, a flicker of joy. 

Rey steps back into the kitchen at that moment, smiling and clearly not sensing the tension, or the way Ben is about to blindside her.

“Rey,” Ben says, reaching an arm out for her. She comes, willingly, stepping up beside him with a smile.

“What’s up?” She asks, just as his mother starts to scream and Maz hops off of her chair to run into the garage. Leia’s diminutive form rushes them, gathering them both into a tight hug as she babbles about how happy she is.

“Let me see it!” she demands, pulling back and reaching out for Rey.

“See what?” Rey asks, frowning at Leia and then at Ben.

“The ring! Please tell me my idiot son got you a ring.”

“I - what?” Leia grasps Rey’s left hand and makes a happy exclamation of noise, bending over to inspect the ring better.

“It’s beautiful,” Leia tells her, happy tears gathering in her eyes and it’s at that moment Ben realizes he might have fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay - and _now_ the fun can really begin.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey for her part plays along after glaring at Ben over his mother’s head, accepting congratulations from everyone with grace and smiles. They munch on the light spread and drink wine and Ben tries to also play along with the plan he foolishly set in motion. His father gives Ben a pat on the shoulder and hugs Rey, an action that has Ben’s mouth dropping open. Luke smiles wistfully at them both, squeezes both of their hands and is the first to raise a toast. Lando follows up Luke’s toast with one of his own, needlessly verbose and Ben lamets that there’s only so much wine in his glass. Maz keeps insisting she knew it would end this way to anyone who will listen, and after the sixth or seventh time the list of people still listening only contains Chewie, but Ben is sure he’s contractually obligated to listen to her, or something. Their relationship is different. Not married, sometimes lovers, full time business partners. They’re happy, and always have been and have been a constant part of Ben’s life. If this weren’t such a sham, this would probably be an ideal celebration.

He tries not to jump when Rey’s hand nestles within his. Small and cool from the glass she had just abandoned. There are a lot of rapid-fire questions after the initial celebrations. Questions like when and where and how many people will they invite, what kind of cake, do they need a florist, what kind of dress is Rey thinking about. 

Ben, in all of his coherency, manages an ‘_uhhhhhh.’_ Rey, now well aware that she needs to pick up the slack here informs everyone that it is _very new_ and they haven’t started to plan yet.’

Han breaks out the champagne and Ben wants to slink away, guilt clawing up the back of his throat, but he stays rooted in place. They toast again, the drink bitter on his tongue now after clinking his glass against Rey’s. She smiles up at him and his hand settles low on the other side of her waist as he attempts to return the expression with an equal amount of warmth. 

At some point his mother disappears, and he doesn’t even notice until she returns, informing them that she moved Rey’s things from the guest bedroom she normally occupies into his old bedroom. She throws in a lascivious wink and Rey buries her face in his shirt. It’s the second time she’s done this now, and he really kind of likes it. They snack and toast and drink until nearly midnight when Maz swiftly reminds them that they’re all to be up early to help cook.

It’s like a bucket of cold water is thrown on Ben as they clean up and then head upstairs to their rooms. His room is at the end of the hall, and Ben lets Rey practically drag him there.

“I can explain,” Ben tells her as soon as they cross the threshold to his bedroom. It’s changed in the years since he’s moved out, his parents converting it into a tasteful guest bedroom with dark blue walls and a plush cream carpet. A sinfully fluffy light grey duvet covers the massive bed along the left wall. The frame is a sturdy dark stained wood, it’s beautifully carved and matches the dresser in the room. His father made them both.

Rey whirls on him, fire in her eyes. “Lock the door,” she tells him, watching as he slowly pushes the door closed and then turns the lock. “Explain.” She waves a dismissive hand at him and then leans against the far wall, near the window. She’s as far away from him as she can get in here.

“I’m sorry, I messed up, and I shouldn’t have - look, just give me tomorrow, then we can go home Friday and put this whole thing behind us and forget it ever happened.” Rey doesn’t react and Ben, clearly full of nothing but good decisions so far today keeps talking. “Consider us even, for you springing us being married on me at the bar.”

Rey snorts, unimpressed. “Sure, because this is exactly the same situation. Sorry I don’t like creeps hitting on me in a bar, Ben. He’s exactly the type that doesn’t understand what no means or probably even how to spell it, so I lied. He left. _That _was the sort of thing we put behind us and forget about. Not, lets tell your entire family we’re engaged.” Her face sort of crumples here and Ben, feeling helpless and off-kilter, watches her slide down the wall. “You’re one of my best friends, Ben, and your family has been so lovely to me since I met them, and I’m gonna miss them, because when you tell them this didn’t work out? It’s gonna break your mom’s heart, and they’ll never want to see me again.”

His defense is weak. “That isn’t true,” he insists, tasting the lie on his lips as the words escape.

Rey laughs, a harsh sound he’s unfamiliar with hearing. “Liar.” 

Ben shoves his hands as deep into his pockets as they’ll go and leans back against the door. “I’ll just tell them the truth, and then it will be me they aren’t going to want to see again for this.”

They remain there staring at each other for a stretch of time before Rey stands once more and reaches for her bag. The sound of the en suite bathroom door shutting between them echoes loudly in his ears long after he hears the shower turn on.

When he finally begins to move it’s with a one-track mind of getting his things ready for his turn in the bathroom. He hauls his bag up onto the bed and pulls out his clothes to sleep in and his toiletries bag, then sits, scrolling through his phone as he waits.

Rey emerges with a cloud of steam, hair wrapped up in a towel on top of her head. “I left you some hot water,” she informs him flatly and he manages to crack a smile as he passes by her.

His shower is quick, and he throws his clothes on while his skin is still damp. Rey is perched, cross legged on the bed when he steps back out, rubbing a towel over his hair. She’s turned off the main lights and switched on the small one next to the bed.

“I can sneak downstairs, sleep on the couch,” he offers, pulling up short at the sight of her, hair now down around her shoulders, the ends leeching water into the shoulders of her baggy sleep shirt.

He watches her roll her eyes in the muted light of the bedside lamp. “Don’t be stupid,” she huffs. “God, could you imagine if they found you down there? You know how your mom hardly ever sleeps.” Her lips quirk, and she looks down at her hands, “besides, it’s technically tomorrow, so you get me for the full day.”

Ben feels heat coil in his body at her words, then forces himself to relax and think about anything else as he drops the towel on the floor - he can worry about it in the morning - and crawls onto the bed from the foot. “Thank you,” he tells her sincerely. “Whatever you want, I’ll make this up to you, Rey.”

She sighs quietly and pats the space next to her. “It’s fine, Ben. I’m sorry I freaked out, I could tell you were freaked out and we probably both could have handled that better.”

“Probably. I really am sorry though, and I promise if my parents try to blame you-”

Rey reaches for him, taking his hands and he stills instantly. “Let’s just get through this, and maybe after the holidays, we can just quietly fake break up, so then they never have to know. Or before Christmas if you don’t want to have to worry about getting your fiancée the best Christmas gift ever,” she tells him, making him laugh. 

He turns his hands over beneath hers, runs his thumbs over the backs of her knuckles and nods. “Deal.”

They both wrestle with the blankets, refusing to vacate the bed to pull them down, and when they’re finally beneath the sheets Rey lets out a quiet laugh. “We could have saved so much time if we weren’t so ridiculous.”

“I like being ridiculous,” Ben replies with an amused huff.

Rey turns to look at him and he feels her hand brush his for the briefest of moments before it’s gone and she rolls to turn off the light. It’s in the pitch black that envelopes them that she speaks, a soft whisper.

“Do you-can we - I’m cold.”

He rolls to his side and lifts an arm. “Come here then,” he whispers back, surprised at how quickly she moves into his embrace.

“Thanks. Is it always this cold in this room?”

“I’m not cold,” he answers, shrugging, jostling her head, “but I rarely am.”

“Rude,” she yawns, curling her hands up between their chests. “Night, Ben.”

He pulls the blankets further up around them, and then lets his arm falls over her waist where it’s comfortable. “Goodnight, Rey.”

Rey falls asleep first, body relaxing within his arms, her steady breathing hot on his neck, her sleepy noises quiet in his ear and it isn’t long before he’s falling asleep too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. We all _knew_ we would end up here - with only one bed. The best place to be.


	4. Chapter 4

“Is that seriously your alarm?” Rey asks from against his chest.

Ben groans and rolls, displacing Rey to his side as he reaches for his phone and picking it up. “No,” he says after squinting at it, “my mom is calling?”

“What the fuck for, we’re in her house.” She shifts against him, sliding up to lay on his arm once more and glare at him.

Ben answers the call, putting it on speakerphone before dropping it onto his chest. “Mom.”

“Good morning sleepyheads, no one wanted to knock in case you were indecent.” Leia’s voice comes from the phone, and in the background, the chaotic noises happening within the kitchen can be heard.

Rey splutters next to him and Ben sighs heavily. “We’ll be right down.”

“Take your time, but not too much time. Don’t want to miss the parade.” The phone beeps as Leia hangs up.

Ben sighs heavily, and unthinking begins to run his fingers up and down Rey’s back. “So what’s the plan?” Rey asks into the quiet and Ben sighs again. “Regular activities with bonus canoodling?” Ben snorts and rolls over towards her. Rey’s hair is a messy halo around her head, and there’s a slight blush on her cheeks, whether that’s from their proximity or being warm while sleeping, Ben can’t be sure. Her expression is one of amusement though, eyes losing the last traces of sleepiness as they talk. This should be weird, or nerve-wracking or something, but all he feels is content after what he thinks might have been the best sleep he’s gotten in ages.

“We could do that,” he agrees, “hand-holding, just more contact than usual.”

“I’m totally gonna touch your butt again,” she informs him, then scrambles from the bed, away from his shocked face with a laugh. “We should probably come up with a story or something, we got so lucky no one asked anything last night.”

Ben swings his legs off the side of the bed and stretches. “What do you mean?” 

Rey makes an annoyed noise and he turns to watch her dig through her bag, pulling out leggings and a maroon sweater. “What do I mean,” she imitates him, pitching her voice low. As far as impressions go, it’s pretty terrible. “You’re such a man sometimes. I mean, how this happened.”

“The line of communication between my brain and mouth leaves a lot to be desired?”

Rey laughs. “Don’t I know it. No, I mean, how did we go from friends to engaged since last thanksgiving. When’s the last time you talked to your parents?”

“Uh, a few days ago?” he practically squeaks as she lifts her shirt over her head, granted, her back is to him, but holy hell, Rey is topless in his childhood bedroom. He stares like a creep at all of her exposed skin, tan with a smattering of freckles over her shoulders. He should definitely stop looking. It’s over quickly, sweater thrown on, but now he knows she isn’t wearing a bra, _hadn’t_ been wearing one all night. His dick is hard, _fuck._

“Before that?”

Ben staggers towards his own bag, needing something to focus on other than the fact that there is nothing under that maroon sweater but golden skin. “Last week?”

“So you talk to them often and then just didn’t mention that we were _a thing_?”

He glances over his shoulder to be sure she’s still occupied, and she is, kicking off her sleep shorts and then pulling up her leggings, before sliding off his pajama pants and hopping into his slacks for the day. “Maybe I didn’t want to? Or I wanted it to be a surprise? You _know_ how my family is, it makes more sense for me not to mention it, you would have never had a moment’s peace.”

“Okay, fine. We’ve been keeping things low key, no pressure, and then, what? We just knew?”

“Isn’t that how it normally goes?”

“Yeah, in damn rom-coms and cliche hallmark movies.” He hears her flick the switch in the bathroom, flooding his bedroom with light. The sink turns on.

“Okay, I’m sure they’ll all still be too excited about all of this and we can get away with just glossing over that a bit. We just knew. Oh, damn, I’m really gonna have to say ‘when you know, you know’, aren’t I?”

Rey groans, “sounds like it.” Her words are muffled around her toothbrush and foam as Ben steps in to join her. “Okay, so you proposed, when? We said it was very new, but how new?”

“The other weekend?” Ben offers, picking up his own toothbrush, “plausible, since we were out by ourselves. Uh, everyone knows we were at the bar, so we could have gone there, for our typical Friday night thing, and then we went back to mine. I had planned ahead, there were roses and candles, but those fake L.E.D. ones, because I’m not gonna risk a fire, you know? And you got all weepy,” he finishes with a grin and then begins brushing his teeth.

“No, but bonus points for peak romance there, I think I probably would have been in shock? Or just confused at first? Sort of, _what is all of this?_.”

He hums, then nudges Rey to the side so he can take his turn spitting and rinsing. “Okay, good, then I proposed. There was a small speech, it was great.”

“That’s when I started crying, and then the ring and I said yes, but it was more of a nod than words, and then we made sweet, sweet love the rest of the night,” she finishes, combing her hair and then carefully putting it up in her usual three bun style.

“I think we can leave that part out,” Ben tells her with a blush.

Rey’s smile is sharp as she bumps his hip as she works on her hair. “We can, but I think we should leave it in.”

“You just don’t want me to survive the day, do you?”

“You’ll live, some minor familial embarrassment will do you good though.”

“Will it?”

“Sure, now come on.” She grabs his hand as she begins to leave the bathroom. “I’m sure we’re hitting our limit and someone will actually come to check on us.”

Ben unlocks the door and after a breath opens it, adjusting his grip on Rey’s hand, twining their fingers together. “Ready?” he asks.

“Yeah,” she breathes, giving his hand another squeeze. “Just one day, we can do this.”

Ben considers turning tail and hiding them both in his room when they enter the kitchen and everyone stops what they’re doing to turn and look at them both.

Lando breaks the silence. “Sleep well?” he asks, winking at them both and Ben gulps.

“Like the dead,” Rey answers, pulling Ben further into the kitchen. “Who made the coffee?” she asks.

“I did!” Han replies, raising his hand holding a knife where he’s peeling potatoes over the compost container.

“Great!” Rey weaves through the chaos to the cabinet with the mugs and pulls two down, then lets go of Ben to head towards the refrigerator, returning with the half and half. “Could you pass me the sugar?” She glances sideways and Ben, picking up the carafe as she pours the half and half in one mug, then coffee into both. She takes the bowl with a quiet thank you and Ben watches her dump four spoonfuls into her mug.

“Disgusting,” he mutters, picking up his mug and blowing across the surface before taking a tentative sip.

Rey merely tilts her head to grin up at him while she stirs her own drink, then pours in some more half and half until she’s satisfied with the color of it. Ben realizes the kitchen is still quiet and he glances around to find everyone watching the two of them interact.

“So!” Rey turns around, then takes a drink, “where do you want us?”

“Stuffing,” Leia answers readily, gesturing over to one corner of the island where four baguettes are sitting out, next to onions and celery. 

Last year they made the green bean casserole and got a lecture about throwing the snapped off bits at one another after it was in the oven. Maz is apparently working on it this year.

“I can do the veg, and you can do the bread?” Rey asks as they weave back through the chaos to the sink and then their station, Ben narrowly avoids bumping into Luke, manning the stove and the several pots percolating there, when he takes a step back away from the heat.

“Careful,” Luke chastizes as if he wasn’t the one who stepped into Ben’s path, but he says nothing, catching back up to Rey and picking up the bread knife while Rey grabs a chef’s knife from the block. Chewie reaches across the island to hand her a cutting board and she thanks him before they get to work.

At some point, someone turns on the television in the living room, letting them listen to the parade, and watch when time allows a quick look. Ben and Rey get everything into two large bowls and then toss it together before spreading it out onto trays. 

“Why do we even call this stuffing,” Ben says to the room at large, picking his cup of coffee back up.

“Oh god,” Han mutters at the same time Leia turns and glares at her son saying a stern, “don’t start.”

“We don’t stuff it inside of anything.”

“Why, just one year, Ben, why can’t we have one year without the stuffing bit.” Luke sighs.

“I like it,” Chewie says, “its like tradition now.”

“Well, it’s a terrible one,” Maz drawls, not looking up from the casserole dish where she’s now sprinkling the fried onions on top.

“What’s the difference, though?” Rey asks, earning mixed reactions from the room, Han actually throws his hands up and jabs the knife he’s using through a potato and turns to look at her.

“What’s the difference?” Rey nods as Maz and Leia sigh. “Traditional stuffing goes inside of a turkey while it cooks, ours obviously doesn’t”

“But why?” Rey pushed.

Han huffed and went back to finishing up the last potato. “Because nobody here wants to eat bread mush.”

“Speak for yourself, I like regular stuffing,” Lando says, Chewie growls in agreement.

“Well, make your own then.” Han shoots back.

Lando laughs, “Nah, just drown it in gravy and it can almost get close.”

Rey lingers for a bit, and Ben watches her, she looks like she has more to say, to ask, but doesn’t want to deal with intense opinions on side dishes, so she eventually picks up her own coffee now and leans against the countertop of the island. “What next?”

“You and Ben can set the table, everything is prepped in here,” Leia tells them, gently shooing them out. Rey salutes with her mug and Ben nearly spills his own when she makes good on her word and slips her hand into his back pocket yet again with a cheeky grin.

It’s still early, Santa hasn’t shown up yet in the parade, and they half-listen to the performances while they circle each other around the table. Ben has practice with this, they both do. Leia likes to do the whole spread, the dinner plate with the soup bowl and salad plate stacked on top. Glasses for red and white wine and a third for water. It’s absurdly excessive and formal and they don’t even have soup to eat today, but Leia won’t hear about it. So he sets out multiple forks, while Rey puts down bread plates and knives at each place setting.

“Now what?” Rey asks once they’re done, surveying their work with a critical eye.

“We could go make out somewhere,” Ben offers, reaching out to fix a crooked fork.

“Ben.” Rey’s tone is almost a rebuke and he laughs a little so he knows he is mostly joking.

“I’m kidding,” he tells her and she sighs, slinking over to him and then giving him a hug.

She tips her head back, resting her chin on his chest. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

“I know I am,” he responds with a small smirk.

“Uh-huh, come on, let’s go see what else needs doing.” 

Ben follows her reluctantly back into the kitchen to find Luke and Maz hanging out munching on baby carrots and black olives. “Everyone is in the living room,” Luke says, tilting his head in the direction of the room. “Turkey is in the oven, everything is ready to go, now we just wait.”

“The worst part of the day,” Rey sighs, fixing herself another cup of coffee and then leaving Ben alone in the kitchen.

When everything is done and plated and Han has carved the turkey, everyone helps to carry the food to the table and they all take their seats. Ben fidgets, spreading his napkin in his lap as he waits, his family isn’t really religious, but Luke always says a short prayer, and then Leia insists they all say one thing they’re thankful for. 

“It’s too bad we aren’t allowed to say the wine,” Rey whispers, leaning over bump his shoulder as Leia starts her speech about how she wants to hear what they’re thankful for this year, and then she starts, picking up her wine glass and beaming over at Ben and Rey.

“This year, I’m thankful for the fact that Ben and Rey finally came to their senses and that I’ll be getting a daughter soon. Of course, I’m also thankful that we’re all in good health and that we can gather together here once more, I love having all of you here.”

Ben almost drains his glass of wine and Rey sinks an inch in her chair. He is an idiot he decides as he watches his mother look at them again, absolutely beaming. They’re really going to break her heart when this all shakes loose.


	5. Chapter 5

The shrill whistle from the football game jolts her awake, unaware that she had even drifted off. No one is looking at Rey, too focused on the game, but distantly in the kitchen, she could hear the tinkling of dishes. She glances around and finds Chewie missing, probably went for thirds. There’s a blanket over her now that hadn’t been earlier and she takes a deep breath. 

_Damnit, Ben._

Her eyes flutter shut once more, focuses on the heavy, comforting weight of Ben’s arm around her, so familiar and yet somehow foreign. Luke and Leia are chattering away on the other couch, Maz interjecting from time to time from her spot on a giant armchair, where she’s knitting. Han is over on the loveseat across from them, next to Ben, feet propped up on the huge ottoman that resides within the vast square of furniture. Chewie, whenever he comes back will either sit next to Han or displace Maz, allowing her to sit on his lap instead. It’s the way they’ve always sat since the first year Ben and Leia invited her, insisted she come, practically dragged her here after discovering she had never really celebrated Thanksgiving before, only Friendsgiving and would be alone in her apartment on the holiday. She wonders if the seating arrangement will change next year, not seeing a way out of the situation Ben backed them into that involves her ever being invited back to anything ever again.

“Who said you could dig into the dessert?” Han’s rough voice comes, sounding more amused than actually annoyed.

“I did,” Chewie answers in his typical clipped growl. Rey peeks out to watch him flop down next to Han, plate covered in what has to be half of a pumpkin pie and one slice of apple.

“Did you manage to save anything for the rest of us?”

Chewie actually growls at Han this time, making Han laugh, before Chewie turns his back to Han, balancing his plate on the arm of the love seat and then beginning to eat. Ben’s hand dips beneath the blanket and Rey lingers on the precipice of sleep once more as his fingers begin tracing gentle patterns over the sleeve of her sweater. She shouldn’t sleep more. She should get up, wake up. There’s probably fresh coffee made, just waiting for them all to converge on the desserts. Soon, she decides, feeling Ben’s chest rumble as he discusses a poor call in the game with his dad. 

She must drift off again though, because Ben is gently shaking her awake and she jolts up, swiping at her cheeks in case she’s drooled anywhere to find them alone. The game is still on though, so it couldn’t have been that long. Rey squints at the tv, maybe it’s a different game.

“Where is everyone?” she asks, blinking up at him, his gaze is soft where it lands on her and _oh,_ _that’s dangerous_, she thinks a moment before she blurts, “how long was I out?”

“Dessert,” he informs her, turning to stretch his arms in the air, “and just over half the game? Not sure when you fell asleep, but it’s the third quarter now.”

“Sorry I fell asleep on you,” Rey says around a yawn that sneaks up on her.

“Don’t worry about it, the only thing you missed is mom and Luke debating who had better hair.”

“What?” Rey croaks and Ben laughs, hauling her to her feet.

“Mom won.”

“Why was that even in question.”

“Who fucking knows with the two of them,” Ben says with a helpless shrug.

Rey lets him take her hand and lead her into the kitchen where the island is now covered with desserts, chatter comes from the dining room.

“What would you like?” Ben asks, grabbing the last two plates for them.

“One of each,” Rey tells him with a grin, reaching to take a plate from him. They take turns dishing slices on the plates and then Rey grabs more coffee, Ben waits for her before they join everyone in the dining room again.

The chatter around the table is easy and relaxed as they eat dessert, eventually, Leia does get around to asking about the proposal and Rey is never so glad to have at least thought ahead on that. She and Ben split the retelling, going back and forth with it and exchanging smiles. Ben only takes her off guard when he kisses her forehead at the end of it. The table around them is quiet and Rey glances around worried that they hadn’t bought it, but no, everything is fine, they’ve apparently just been rendered silent by how sweet their story was.

“That’s very romantic,” Leia says, sounding proud.

“Yeah, kid,” Han agrees and then turns smirking to Leia, “he gets it from me.” Leia leans over and pats Han gently on the cheek with a smile, Rey smothers her amusement with a giant bite of pumpkin pie.

Rey helps clean up later while the guys and Maz all go back to the comfiness of the living room to keep watching football. 

Rey and Leia chat easily, the way they do when they do this every year. Leia discusses work or weird things she’s read in the tabloids while Rey tells her about books she’s read and enjoyed lately and answers any questions Leia has about her job. Rey is ridiculously grateful she hasn’t brought up Ben or the engagement at all and is stacking the last dried dish on the pile when Leia sets down her dishtowel and turns to her.

“Come with me,” she says conspiratorially, reaching out for Rey. Rey is unable to anything but follow along, up the grand staircase and down the hall opposite from Ben’s room and her normal guest room. All the way to the double doors that lead to the master suite and Rey feels apprehension rise within her.

It’s a ridiculous amount of space, Rey surmises as soon as the doors open. She notes Han’s marksmanship on the bed frame and other furniture in the room. There’s a bookshelf and a cozy sitting area blocked off from the rest of the room by one of those glass fireplaces she’s only ever seen on those tease houses from Property Brothers. They aren’t there for that though, because Leia keeps walking, Rey stumbling behind her to a massive walk-in closet. Rey is very convinced her entire apartment doesn’t take up the square footage of this area.

“Now, before I show you this, you can absolutely say no and it will not hurt my feelings,” Leia tells her, striding through the space while Rey is distracted by the fact that there’s a whole ass _couch_ in the closet. Rey finally looks up when Leia stops in front of yet another set of doors and Rey can’t even begin to guess what might lay beyond it.

Dresses. So many dresses.

“These were my mothers.” Rey takes a few hesitant steps closer and decides she’s terrified about where this conversation might be going. “She got married in this dress,” Leia says reaching for one. They’re all in special bags, Rey guesses to preserve them, so she’s tentative to touch, but it’s _beautiful_. White with intricate cream embroidery and that’s just from what little she can see through the window.

“You wouldn’t need to keep it as is, if you like it, we could hire a tailor, get it fitted to you, to your tastes.”

“Leia,” Rey chokes out her name and is surprised to find tears gathered in her eyes. “This is too much.”

“Bah,” Leia said, waving her hand at Rey, “it isn’t. I always wanted a daughter you know,” she tells Rey with a gentle look and a soft smile, “but when it didn’t happen, I hoped I might one day be able to pass these on to whomever Ben married. I’m very glad it’s you, Rey.” Rey doesn’t know what to say, her mouth drops open several times in an attempt to say something, _anything_, but Leia doesn’t seem to mind. “It would be an honor to let you wear this.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Rey finally gasps and looks around for that couch, afraid she might pass out.

Leia laughs. “Think about it, you have time, now come on, better make sure everyone else is still behaving.”

“Sure.” Rey follows her back through the large room and into the hall. “I’ll meet you down there, restroom,” she says, then bolts for the room she’s sharing with Ben.

She splashes water on her face, then sticks her whole head under the faucet, drinking down mouthfuls of water until she’s satisfied. Her phone is on the nightstand, where she left it this morning, and now she picks it up as she sits down on the edge of the bed.

A bunch of standard notifications greet her from friends, and there’s a notification on Instagram that has her curious, but clicks on Rose’s clear barrage of messages hoping everything is okay.

_Oh. _She opens Instagram, and there it is. Leia has taken a picture of the two of them and neither of them had noticed. Looking at it objectively Rey can see it, can see how they’re passing this off so well, but _fuck_ if Leia didn’t basically post an engagement announcement.

She jumps when the phone rings in her hands and she answers it.

“Rey! What the fuck?!” Rose practically shouts in her ear and Rey flinches away from the sound. “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating? Why were you keeping it a secret? Finn says he doesn't believe any of it.”

“Woah, woah, hold on, slow down,” Rey pleads, standing and carefully pushing the door closed. “I’m not engaged, Finn is right,” Rey spits into the phone, and then groans, “this is honestly a mess.”

“Explain.”

“I don’t even know! We got here last night, I left to put my stuff in my room and go to the bathroom, and I come back into the kitchen and Ben is just like surprise everyone! And what was I gonna do? Say no?”

“Uhhh, yes, that’s exactly what you should have done.”

“We're just gonna fake break up and everything will be fine.”

“Why would you fake break up? You like him, he likes you, just date a bit? Maybe fuck. When’s the last time you- _then leave the room Finn!_ Sorry about that, anyway, scratch that itch.”

“Rose.”

“You’re right. Why would you ever talk about feelings? But, Rey, seriously, what the fuck.”

“I know,” Rey sighs, pacing the room, “looks, it’s just for the day, and we can go back to the way things normally are tomorrow. It’s a mess, but we can fix it.”

Rey hears Rose sigh, long and loud on the other end. “Okay. We can discuss this later, I just was confused and wanted to know what was going on.”

“Just Ben being an idiot.”

Rose snorts, “well, he’s your idiot now.”

“Goodbye, Rose.” Rey sighs, “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Rey.”

Rey flops down on the bed and drops the phone next to her. “What a fucking mess,” she informs the comforter. 


	6. Chapter 6

Rey wakes up tangled with Ben and is discomfited yet again by how not wrong it feels. She got really great sleep for the second night in a row and is sad that she’ll go back to her own bed, alone, after this tonight. 

He’s still asleep, so she takes the time to carefully extricate herself from his arms and then roll over to look at him. Dark eyelashes stretch over pale cheeks, and his _mouth._ She gets out of bed before doing something stupid, like brushing the hair from his forehead, or touching him, his lips. They’re really just unfair, always plush and there was maybe a small part of her that was mournful that they didn’t have to kiss on the mouth in front of everyone yesterday. She would bet money they’re soft.

They get loaded down with leftovers and Leia insists they stay for breakfast, and they do, its just light - fruit and a french toast casserole with coffee, but it’s more than enough after the day before. Rey lingers over goodbyes, let’s Leia and Han pull her into hugs, stands in the foyer talking to Luke as he smiles at her, tells her how good it was to see her again. Chewie’s hug is tight and Maz pats her cheek. Lando kisses her cheek.

She’s never had a family that she can remember, other than her grandmother, but every year these people take her in for a day and she thinks for a day she can pretend that they’re hers. She doesn’t care what Ben says, she’s always been left behind, why would they choose her over their own son.

She refuses to cry, even though the urge is strong.

“That could have been worse,” Ben says, breaking the silence as they pull away from his parent’s house.

Rey exhales through her nose and glances over at him. “What do you think _worse_ could have been?”

“Dunno,” he replies, rubbing his open palms over his jeans. “Actual wedding planning?”

“Okay, you’re right, that probably would have been worse.” She sees him smile from the corner of her eye and decides not to bring up his grandmother’s wedding dress.

“I’m sorry, for all of that, it was a lot.”

“It’s fine Ben, we survived, no harm done.”

It isn’t true, Rey knows it, knows Ben knows it too. They can pretend though.

“Do you, uh—” Ben starts as she pulls up to his house. She puts her car in park and turns to him. “It’s Friday, do you wanna do our usual thing?”

“Yeah, that would be good.” She nods, eager to get back to their routine, back to normal.

“Hux and Phasma are out of town,” Ben adds quickly.

“Finn and Rose are here, her sister Paige is visiting. Poe is with his family for the weekend.”

“See if they want to come out.”

She smiles, bobbing her head in a quick nod, “okay.”

“Thanks for driving, Rey and putting up with well, all of that.”

Rey winks, “no problem. See you tonight.”

He turns back and waves to her after he unlocks his front door, and then she pulls away from the curb to drive home.

Her apartment is quiet and cold as she steps inside. She bumps up the thermostat a few degrees and tosses her clothes in the stacked washer/dryer combo in her hall closet. A text is sent to Rose and Finn and then she throws open her bedroom closet door. Then closes it. There’s nothing wrong with what she’s already wearing.

And it’s over. She and Ben aren’t a thing and she shouldn’t care. She also made a bit of a big deal about it so she should just let it go.

She wriggles out of her pants and lays back on her bed, hands low on her abdomen. Biting her lip she sighs at the ceiling, easily able to recall the way Ben’s hands felt on her body just that morning, how free he was with touching her, just little things, the brushing of his hand against hers, his arm around her shoulders. It was almost subconscious on his part she thinks, and she feels selfish for missing something that wasn’t hers to begin with.

He doesn’t have to know, she decides, slipping a hand beneath the waistband of her underwear. She’s already soaked, has been teetering on the edge of want since she woke up yesterday. And now she’s alone and able to indulge. She doesn’t even bother reaching for anything that she keeps in her drawer. She knows the span of Ben’s hands, large and lightly calloused and warm and she whimpers, well aware of how far short her own fingers fall in comparison. Rey wants to know though, how they would feel pressed inside of her, curling against her g-spot until she can’t take it anymore. Wonders if he would hover above her and watch her face or shoulder his way between her thighs to watch how well she could take him. The heel of her palm falls against her clit and she presses it down hard until she comes with a silent scream.

After, Rey lays there, chest heaving as she stares up at the ceiling. She feels warm and gooey and content. Slowly she slips her hand from her underwear, fingers sticky and she exhales. “Well, shit.”

Her phone pings and she stands up, moving back through her house to where she left it on the kitchen counter. Rose and Finn can make it. Rey laughs nervously, sure tonight is going to be nothing short of a disaster.

She’s the first one there. She had showered and dressed - only changed her outfit once, it’s cute, but it doesn’t look like she’s trying too hard, she’s also sure she’s worn this out with them before, so even less suspicious.

Ben shows up next and Rey waves at him while taking a drink of her gin and tonic.

“Are you okay?” he asks, stopping at the end of the table.

She frowns at him now, “yes, should I not be?”

“Not sure, you’re making a face.”

“You’re making a face,” she returns and then winces, making Ben laugh. 

“I’ll be back!” Once he’s turned away from her she presses her palms to her cheeks, wondering if she was blushing.

Rey watches him at the bar, how casually he leans against it, says something that makes the bartender laugh while he uncaps the bottle. A week ago, days ago Rey would have watched, amused as he got hit on by the leggy blonde that approached him, chided him for not even noticing. Now all she feels is roiling jealousy and an urge to climb all over Ben so everyone knows. She takes another drink, now mad at herself for thinking that at all.

“So, tell me everything!” Rose says, sliding into the booth beside Rey and knocking into her. Rey barely saves her drink from spilling all down her front.

“Hello, Rose, how was your Thanksgiving? I hope it was nice,” Rey drawls, then smiles across the booth, “Hey Paige.”

“Hey, Rey. Rose tells me you and Ben really stepped in it this time.” Rose’s older sister is smirking at Rey and Rey groans, but nods, because it’s true.

“Hey, Rose, Paige,” Ben greets them both as he returns to the table.

Finn drags a chair behind him when he finally comes to the table with drinks for himself and the Tico sisters. “So, how was Thanksgiving you two?”

Rey narrows her eyes at Finn’s expression, eyes dancing with amusement, smirk flirting with his mouth and then he winks.

“Finn, be nice,” Rose tries, but Ben leans his arms onto the table and turns in Finn’s direction.

“It was nice,” Ben says, eyes flickering over to Rey before looking back at Finn. “how was yours?”

“Delicious. Just _nice_, though?”

“Finn,” Rey warns now, after taking a quick drink. “Leave it. We had a good day.”

“Yeah, okay, but Ben, _engaged?_”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Rey and I have already established it wasn’t my finest moment.”

“And they _bought it?!”_ Finn seems baffled.

Rose shifts next to Rey, and Finn barks out a shout of pain. Paige laughs. “You know they bought it, Finn, Leia was trying to get Rey into her mom’s wedding dress.”

Ben splutters on his beer, “wait, what?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Rey tries to wave it off, Rose and Paige both make noises of disbelief. “It’s not. She said I didn’t need to use it at all.”

“Holy hell,” Ben grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This is bad,” he informs the table.

Finn laughs. “Is it? I’m highly entertained.”

“I need another drink,” Ben declares, standing and leaving the table in a tense silence.

Rose watches him go before turning to Rey. “Babe, I love you, but sometimes you’re an idiot.”

“That’s why she and Ben are perfect for each other,” Finn supplies with a laugh and Rey groans, covering her face with her hands. “It will work out, Rey, don’t worry.”


	7. Chapter 7

Rey and Ben keep texting. Leia calls her once on a Wednesday, and they talk for nearly an hour about all manner of things. For a wild moment, Rey thinks everything will be okay, that her relationship with Ben will bounce back. Then comes a Saturday evening at Hux’s place.

They pair up like they usually do. That ends up being the only thing that goes right that night. Rey pulls ‘opening a gift’ first. She thinks it’s easy, obvious. Ben doesn’t get it. Insists she’s packing a suitcase. Rose and Finn breeze through their pick well under the time limit, so do Phasma and Hux. 

Then it’s Ben’s turn and Rey can’t figure out his phrase beyond it having the word ‘me’ in it. When the timer buzzes, he picks up the piece of paper and crumples it up. “It was ‘_Take Me to Church’” _

Next to her, she hears Finn say ‘duh,’ under his breath and she jabs him with her elbow. 

They lose for the first time in a very long time, and Rey is definitely pouting by the end of the night. Ben is surly and snapping at people, and Phasma ends the game early, telling them all to shut up as she turns on the tv, announcing they’ll be watching a movie of her choosing.

It’s Ben’s fault, she decides Sunday afternoon, eating a pint of Chubby Hubby while she watches The Great British Bake Off. Ben’s fault for making up that _stupid_, lie, Ben’s fault for losing charades. 

She fiddles with her ring, concedes it’s a little bit her fault. She started it all, with that lie in the bar. She drops the ice cream container on her coffee table and stretches out on her couch. 

Twenty minutes later she drafts a text about soggy bottoms and she thinks it’s funny. She’s aware of how desperate she is right now. A week ago she thought she would only have to worry about losing the warmth of Ben’s family, but now she can feel Ben slipping through her fingers too.

He doesn’t answer her text until Tuesday just after her lunch hour. His reply consists of three letters: ‘LOL’ and Rey wants to throw her phone across the small office space she occupies. 

* * *

“This is absolutely stupid and I won’t stand for it!” Rose exclaims, pacing the floor between the coffee table and television a week after the charades incident. Rey keeps her arms firmly folded across her chest while Finn keeps trying to pull chips from a bag as quietly as possible. “The two of you are so fucking stupid. And blind! Finn, back me up here.”

Rey’s gaze cuts to him, watches him now noisily reach into the bag and shove an awkward handful of chips into his mouth as he nods.

“Stupid. We’ve all been fucking waiting for the two of you to take your heads out of your asses and when you do, _oh my god_!” Rose scrubs her hands over her face in frustration and Rey wants to run. Rose is one of her best friends, they met in college, an awkward tentative start at roommates that had finally blossomed into friendship near the end of the semester. They had been absolute idiots together, had seen each other through countless sleepless nights and quizzing each other through subjects at finals times. There were bad breakups and lackluster one-night stands scattered throughout it all. They’d seen the best and the worst in each other and there was no tearing them apart, but this was bringing them to the edge.

“Sometimes I’m impressed by how deep your denial runs, Rey, but this!” she gestures wildly at nothing. “How the hell can you two be adults and be this fucking dumb. You like each other!” she emphasizes each word in that sentence with a clap and Rey shrinks back into the couch.

“That’s not true,” Rey says, voice sounding smaller than she wishes it would. “It was just an easy lie to tell, and-” she cuts off at Rose’s sharp glare and spins her ring, now safely back on her right hand with the freezing weather.

“If you two didn’t like each other you two would just go back to business as usual, and not be so cringingly awkward around one another. It’s hard to watch, honestly.”

“It is,” Finn finally pipes up and Rose looks smug.

“What do you want me to do? Just call him up and say ‘hey Ben, I know we faked it for one whole day, but I think we should date for real’ and hope he feels the same way?”

“Yes! Because he does feel the same way, I would bet my apartment that Phas and Armie are trying to talk the same amount of sense into him that Finn and I are to you.”

“I’ll think about it,” Rey relents, if only to get Rose to leave it alone for a while.

Rose finally comes around the coffee table and sits down next to Rey. “Thank you.” 

Rey finally relaxes into the couch, watches Finn pass the bag of snacks to Rose and then she finally presses play on the show they’ve been watching together.

* * *

“Utterly foolish,” Phasma says, ticking off the third point in her tirade on her fingers. “complete buffoonery.”

“Don’t forget just stupid in general,” Hux supplies and Ben scowls at him from across the table. Beneath them, Kylo is curling his way between all of their legs.

“Yes, yes, just stupid in general. Ben, you can still salvage this,” Phasma tells him, tone gentling as she reaches for him. “Just give her a ring, tell her you’re an idiot, and you actually like her and sure it was fake, but it doesn’t have to be now.”

Hux and Ben both startle. “Phas, he can’t - you want him to actually propose? They’ve never actually dated!”

The statuesque blonde throws her hands in the air and then slams them back down on the table. “As good as.” Ben groans when she begins to tick items off on her fingers again. “A standing date, _always_ partners at charades, almost always win too, really we should split them up, inside jokes, holiday’s with the family, how long should I go on Benjamin?” 

“I hear what you’re saying,” Ben says, nodding, “but I’m not fucking proposing.”

“Fine,” Phasma sniffs, “I’ll just call Rey and talk her into doing it.”

“Jesus, leave the man alone for a minute, look at him, he looks on the verge of fainting,” Hux snarks and Ben has the wild urge to punch him - it wouldn’t be the first time. “You’re both adults, just talk about it. Everyone knows you both want each other, so the only people surprised by this turn of events is apparently just you and Rey.”

“No,” Ben insists, then bites back the rest of the words, words he doesn’t ever want them holding over him. He relaxes his shoulders a bit. “I’ll call her.”

“Good!” Phasma says, her voice clipped as she stands from the table. “No more awkward nights out, that was painful.”

“I apologize?” Ben says.

“Thank you, come on Armie, we’ve got dinner plans that don’t involve a wallowing idiot.”

Hux flashes him an apologetic smile. “You are definitely wallowing.”

Ben rolls his eyes and shoos him away with his hand. “Get out of my house. Have a nice night.”

The redhead lingers in the door long enough to waggle his eyebrows at Ben before Phasma calls him again.

“I’m not wallowing,” Ben informs Kylo, who stalks out from under the table and sits down next to him. Kylo doesn’t answer. “I’m not.” Kylo meows and Ben grunts, standing from his table and moving to the front door to lock up behind his friends.

Kylo trails after him and meows again.

“Okay, okay, dinner time. I know.” Ben turns back towards the kitchen and Kylo darts off in front of him. Ben finds him sitting patiently in front of his bowl, and as soon as he reaches for the food Kylo begins meowing again, loud and long.

“Here you go, you big baby,” Ben tells him, dumping the food and scritching Kylo behind his ears.

He stands, stretches and groans when his shoulders pop a bit. Opening the fridge he withdraws a beer then closes it, pausing when his eyes catch on a picture of all of them, taken just after a vicious paintball battle. They’re all a mess, Poe is the worst off, having gotten shot by his won team as well as the enemy team. Phasma, Rose and Paige are all posing like Charlie’s Angel’s while Hux has an arm thrown around Finn’s shoulders, both of them posturing. Rey though, Rey had jumped up onto his back and he had caught her. She’s got a smudge of green paint across her cheek, but other than that she is mostly paint-free while Ben’s torso is splattered with blue. He knows on his back is one rogue orange blast, courtesy of Poe. 

His fingers trace over the two of them before he twisting the cap and taking a deep drink. “I’ll call her soon,” he tells Kylo, who responds by continuing to making happy munching noises into his bowl. “Before Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey are dumb, but they've at least got a really great group of friends who aren't afraid to tell it to them straight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting some angst, Kristen, I heard you like angst, so I wrote some angst to balance out the fluff.
> 
> Just a heads up: there will be a medical emergency, it will be discussed in detail a bit, but I also tried to keep it vague enough to not bog it down and bore everyone with the details. See you on the other side!

There is an annoying noise coming from somewhere, and Rey can’t find the source of it. She’s in her office, or at least it looks like her office, but it’s filled with piles and piles of junk and somewhere within the pile, something is making a lot of noise.

She falls from sleep and her dream in an instant, wakefulness bringing awareness that the noise that permeated her sleep is her phone. It’s nearly 3 am on a Tuesday. She grabs it, squinting blearily at it.

“Ben?” She answers it as soon as the letters make sense. There’s silence on the other end and then she makes out the sound of his ragged breathing. “Ben are you okay? Where are you?” All of the awkwardness and the tension over the past few weeks sloughs away and all she can focus on is Ben and something is wrong.

“Home,” he manages, voice broken, then a follow-up, “I'm home. I’m okay.” But his voice hitches again and Rey thinks he might be crying.

She’s already out of bed, stumbling around her room and pulling a sweatshirt haphazardly from her closet and getting one arm into it. “I’ll be there in fifteen,” she tells him, switching the phone to her other ear and getting the other arm in, not bothering to zip it up. Everything else is by the door, so she rushes through the place. “Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“Please.”

She sticks her feet into her boots quickly scooping up her purse and keys and bolts out the door, taking the time to lock it before running down to her car. Ben doesn’t talk, and he doesn’t ask her to talk, so she plays the radio for something to fill the weird silence.

Rey makes it to his house in ten minutes and pounds on his door until it opens. She knows she looks like a mess, in her gingerbread man fleece pajama pants and worn too thin sleeping shirt depicting different kinds of boob shapes that she bought on a dare from Rose at the beach during spring break. _Too late now_, she thinks. At least her sweatshirt is pretty normal. Ben though, Ben is a wreck.

He’s just standing there, eyes red and puffy, the phone still at his ear as he stares at her. Slowly, Rey eases her way inside, blowing out a relieved breath to see Kylo running towards them, no doubt with plans of escape on his mind. Ben finally steps back, and Rey shuts the front door, quickly turning the deadbolt and then hanging up her phone, slipping it into her pocket.

Ben wavers on his feet, and slowly his arm falls to his side, where his phone slips from loose fingers. It narrowly misses a now annoyed Kylo, as it clatters to the floor. Kylo yowls as he gazes at the closed door.

“Ben,” Rey says his name gently, wanting to know what happened, why he called her in the middle of the night, but then he’s crashing into her, wrapping his arms tight around her and crying. Rey gets her arms around him, at first afraid she might fall and take him with her, but then to comfort him. He buries his face in the side of her neck and she feels her throat grow tight at the sensation of tears on her skin. 

She still has no idea what’s going on, but she does her best to be there for him, to soothe him. “Can we sit?” she asks eventually, back straining under his weight and the slight arch he’s had her held in.

“Yes,” he croaks, and he pulls back only enough so they won’t trip over one another, or Kylo, on the way. Rey sits down first, and Ben follows, sitting down stiffly next to her, sniffling. Rey carefully toes off her boots and then turns towards Ben, pulling her legs up onto the couch.

“Ben,” she tries again, reaching out for him. He flinches at her touch, gentle though it is. She turns his face towards her and he refuses to meet her gaze. “Ben, what happened? You’re scaring me.”

He teeters there for a moment, and Rey sees the anguish in his expression. She wipes fruitlessly at his tears as more begin to fall, then gives up and pulls him towards her again. This time his face is against her chest and his hands wind around her lower back as he shifts on the couch to be more comfortable.

It’s from down there that he eventually speaks. “My mom called,” his voice is rough and thick. Rey runs her hands through his hair. “They were on their way home from some Christmas party, my mom was driving and I guess talking about the party? My dad didn’t know what she was talking about. She asked him the date and he told her their anniversary. He had a stroke,” Ben reveals and starts crying again. Rey feels like she suddenly can’t breathe.

The rest is revealed in bits and pieces between new bouts of tears. He’s currently in surgery. It’s too soon to tell anything. Once he makes it out and wakes up they’ll be able to assess him and see what the situation is like. Leia told him to stay home. Leia is going to call with updates.

“Ben,” Rey murmurs, not ceasing her movements through his hair, “I can drive you to the hospital if you want.”

His head shifts back and forth against her collar bone. “No, mom doesn’t want me there, knows that I’ll - it’s better if I wait. I just didn’t want to be alone and didn’t know who else to call.”

“Oh, Ben,” Rey breathes and adjusts her grip on him to hug him. “You aren’t alone,” she assures him, feels him tremble against her body as he nods jerkily.

“Neither are you.” Rey holds him all the tighter.

It’s nearing 4:30 in the morning and Rey’s eyes are burning from lack of sleep, but she doesn’t want to bother Ben.

“Your phone is on the floor.” She suddenly remembers.

“Oh. I should go get it.”

“I can go, I’m just trapped.”

“Oh,” Ben says, now sounding sheepish, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I don’t mind,” she rushes to reassure him, but he’s standing now, then turning to reach for her and her hands slip easily into his. She leverages herself to standing and together they make their way to retrieve his phone. No missed calls or messages, and Ben sags against her. “Come on, let's get you to bed for a bit, yeah?”

He lets her lead him down the hall. “I don’t know if I can sleep.”

“That’s okay, just rest.”

“Will you stay?” he asks, voice quiet as Rey watches him climb into bed.

“Of course, I’ll be in the living room.”

“No.” His hand grasps her wrist. “Stay with me.”

She hesitates, can just make him out in the darkness, how sad and vulnerable he looks. “Yeah, yeah, I can.” Gently she pulls her hand from his and circles the foot of the bed, digging her phone from her pocket and then shucking off the sweatshirt before she climbs beneath the covers. She sticks her phone under the pillow and lays down, reaching for Ben. He’s in her arms in an instant and moments later Kylo hops up on the bed to join them. He makes a show of walking over both of them, nose bumping Rey’s, sniffing at her.

“You’re in his spot,” Ben tells her and she snorts. “Kylo,” Ben grunts, swatting at the cat’s tail. Kylo takes his time and finally settles on the bed behind Ben’s bent knees.

They lay there, the three of them in the quiet of the night. Ben seems to mostly be all out of tears for the moment, his breathing is still irregular, puffing against her shirt over her breasts. It’s distracting and Rey hates herself for thinking about how close his mouth is to her tits. She closes her eyes and begins to hum quietly, a soothing tune and it doesn’t take long before Ben’s breathing becomes deep and regular. It’s there in the dark, surrounded by Ben, the sound of Kylo’s purring serving as an accompaniment that Rey lets herself cry.

She’s still awake, emotionally wrung out and exhausted when Ben jerks awake as Leia finally calls again at 5:23 in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more angst, but soft angst at the same time.
> 
> Thank you so much to RebelRebel for the beta read and to Adnwahsal for walking me through some medical stuff.

Rey jumps into action while Ben remains sitting there on his bed. She pulls open his closet door, looking around for his suitcase, even as she pulls down a few shirts from their hangers. Once she spots it she begins throwing things in. She tries to keep it neat, but time is of the essence and she knows there's an iron _and_ a steamer at his parent’s house.

“What about Kylo?” she asks, exiting his closet with his suitcase in tow.

“What?” Ben blinks up at her, then down at his cat as he registers her words. “Oh. Poe. I can text Poe.”

“Okay,” she breathes, “okay.” Then she’s pulling open the drawers to his dresser, blindly grabbing underwear and socks, stuffing them in the front pocket.

“He didn’t answer,” Ben says a moment later while she picks up her sweatshirt where she left it on the floor.

“Ben, it’s early still. I’m sure he’ll text you back as soon as he wakes up.” She stands up and watches him, staring at some spot beyond the wall in front of him and she rounds the bed to stand before him. “Ben,” she says his name gently, reaches up to brush her fingers over his cheek and his gaze snaps to hers. “It’s going to be okay, Ben,” she tells him and he exhales shakily, head jerking with a nod before he presses his face against her stomach. She feels her shirt grow damp from his silent tears. She lets her hands roam where they will, even as his own hold her anchored in place. Rey lets him move first.

“I’m sorry,” he tells her with a sniff.

Rey smiles gently, leans down and kisses his forehead and assures him, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

It takes a bit, but she manages to get him out of his room. He feeds Kylo while she throws his suitcase into his car and zips up her sweatshirt. She’s keyed up now, wide awake from the chill of opening the garage door and letting the winter wind whip in.

“Ready?” she asks as he steps out with her.

“I think so,” he answers, sounding more awake and aware than he has all night.

“Okay, I just need to stop for coffee and I’ll be ready.”

“Rey,” he starts with a frown and she squares her shoulders, “you don’t need to come.”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m coming, I’m driving. We aren’t arguing about this right now. We can fight after you see your dad, okay?” It’s the mention of Han that gives him pause, makes him relent. “Besides, I really don’t think you should be driving today.” He glares at her, eyes her up and down but Rey just opens the driver’s side door and gets in.

He slams his door when he finally gets in the car. 

Rey goes through the drive-through at Starbucks, there’s thankfully a minimal line and ignores Ben’s noise of agitation when she orders a quad shot of espresso in her latte. She definitely speeds, but she doesn’t give a shit. They have somewhere they need to be. Thankfully, miraculously, there are no cops and they make it to the hospital outside of his parent’s sleepy town in record time. Luke is waiting for them at the main entrance. 

They get checked in, they get special badges, and they’re finally released to make the trip up to the ICU. Ben’s hand finds Rey’s, big and warm and she squeezes back when he squeezes hard. Leia is in one of the waiting room cubbies since visiting hours are over or haven’t started yet. She looks tired but lights up when she spots them, rushing towards them to pull them into a hug. Rey manages to gently extricate herself from it, letting mother and son just be, and follows Luke to where he disappeared. 

The waiting area they’re in reminds her of a small breakroom kitchen, but less. There’s a table with four chairs around it, two hospital armchairs, a small table strewn with magazines between them and a couch. Rey sinks into an armchair and pulls her knees up to her chest.

“You made good time,” Luke comments and Rey nods.

She swallows, tongue feeling like cotton in her mouth. “I sped. I was worried. Just in case,” she confesses and Luke smiles gently at her.

“We’ll know soon enough.”

Rey nods and rests her cheek against her knees, watching for Ben and Leia instead of Luke pacing.

They linger in the doorway when they appear, both red-eyed and flagging, but Leia manages a smile. “He’s out of surgery and in a recovery room for now. We can go see him, they requested we go in two at a time.”

“Then you and Ben should go first,” Luke tells his sister and Rey nods in agreement.

“I can wait,” Ben says, gaze lingering on Rey, “you and mom go first, I’ll go with Rey.”

“Are you sure?” Luke asks, taking a step forward and Ben nods, resolute. “Okay, we won’t be long.”

Ben collapses into the chair next to her and she turns to look at him. “You look like shit,” he observes, seeing her under the harsh fluorescent lighting in the hospital.

“Rude,” she grunts, reaching out to swat at him but misses.

“I’m driving you home after this, you need to sleep, Rey.”

“I’m fine,” she mumbles and glares at Ben when he looks like he wants to argue.

“Fine,” he eventually sighs, slouching down in the chair as low as he can. They rest in silence until Leia and Luke return and Rey stands with a stretch.

The walk to Han’s room is silent between them as they let the regular sounds of the unit fill the journey. Ben’s grip on her hand becomes almost painfully tight as they stop in front of the correct room and she runs her thumb over the back of his.

The room is dimly lit at the moment, just the light above the bed is turned on. Rey feels her breath catch in her throat. Han looks so small there on the bed, complexion sallow and almost waxy looking against the white sheets and beneath the machinery pumping breath into his lungs. It’s a steady sound, rhythmic and mechanical air. Rey watches Han’s chest rise and fall with each resetting click of the machine working as his lungs.

“They put him in a medically induced coma. Mom says they’re going to try bringing it out of it later today to check his progress, his stats, something.”

“Oh.” 

Rey stands there as Ben releases her hand to move towards the chair in the room at Han’s bedside. “Come here,” he whispers as he sits. Rey finally looks away from Han to Ben, finds him reaching out for her and she takes an unsteady step towards him and then another until she’s close enough, or at least thinks she is. Ben disagrees, pulling her into his lap.

Was it really just last month that she had sat in Han’s garage after dinner, watching him work on his newest car project with Ben? He had been so robust and full of life and Rey hates this.

Ben is talking, just casual words to his dad, about work, about how much they both hate holiday shopping crowds, about Kylo and how last week Ben had found him on top of a cabinet near the ceiling, covered in dust and Ben still has no idea how he got up there. He talks until his voice breaks and he pulls Rey even closer, so Rey takes up the talking. She doesn’t talk about anything really interesting, just whatever comes to mind to fill the silence.

Han doesn’t react, and that’s okay, he isn’t supposed to, but it’s still unnerving. Rey hasn’t known anyone who needed an extensive hospital stay. Rose broke her arm in two places the summer between their junior and senior year of college, but that was the extent of it. Rose had been irritable, Rey had been there for support and had mostly spent her time doing sudoku puzzles while they waited between updates. Of course, there was her grandmother too, but she squashes that thought down and away. This is different.

“Come on,” Ben says eventually, nudging her to stand. “We can’t stay. I’m sure we’re running up to our time limit and a nurse is going to be along to kick us out.”

“Why is there a time limit?” Rey asks and feels Ben shrug.

“Probably to keep visitors out of their hair so they can do their jobs. Doesn’t matter, we both need sleep.”

“Kay.” She stands and steps aside to be out of Ben’s way. Hesitantly she reaches out, brushing her fingertips over Han’s hand, avoiding his IV line. He’s warm.

They rejoin Luke and Leia in the same little room they left them in and Rey looks around, amazed they’re all standing. 

“Let’s go home,” Leia eventually says, smiling grimly around at them all. “Get some rest, they’re not doing anything until this evening, and if something changes,” her mouth pinches into a flat line. “They’ll call.”

They turn in their visitor badges and Rey doesn’t argue when Ben insists on driving. She takes the time on the way to his parent’s house to call off of work for the rest of the week, citing a family emergency. She’s got weeks of vacation time saved up, gone unused since her start date. Her boss isn’t pleased about it, but she’s between big projects and the one she’s currently working on isn’t even hers, she’s helping out an understaffed department, and they can just fucking deal with it. He threatens it’s going on her review and she hangs up on him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Ben breaks the silence, “take the week.”

Rey rolls her eyes and leans her head against the headrest. “Don’t be fucking stupid Ben.”

He doesn’t say anything else.

Rey reminds him to grab his bag as they get out of the car. It’s weird being here when it’s not Thanksgiving, house done up extravagantly for Christmas. Rey blinks at the tree in the living room, it has to be at least twelve feet tall covered in lights and ribbon and silver and gold accents with a stunning silver and gold star at the top. Rey thinks about her foot tall tree she got at five below with a smile and then follows the rest of the group upstairs. It’s habit that takes her to the threshold of the door she’s used most, and Ben that calls her name, reminding her that she should be in his room, that they haven’t called this sham off yet.

“Sorry,” she speaks around a yawn and Ben grunts, watching her step inside. Leia stops by, hugs them both tight and tells them to get some rest. 

Rey doesn’t think that will be a problem, she could probably sleep standing up, but knows the bed is sinfully comfortable.

“There are boobs on your shirt,” Ben says as she turns to get into the bed, sweatshirt dropped yet again on the floor, Rey pulls at the bottom hem of the shirt and looks down.

“Yup.”

“Jesus,” Ben says, not taking his eyes off of it, “I didn’t notice before.” And then he’s laughing almost hysterically and Rey kneels on the bed then shuffles over, catching his face between her palms.

“Ben.” He hiccups and fresh tears spill over her cheeks. “Come to bed, Ben. You need sleep, and so do I. We can’t do anything right now but trust in the medical staff and we’ll go back later today, okay?”

“I’m scared,” he confesses, breathing wild and eyes darting everywhere.

“I know,” Rey coos, “I know, and it’s okay. Let’s just sleep.”

“Why are there tits on your shirt?” Ben asks as Rey is on the verge of drifting off. 

She peeks one eye open to find him frowning at the front of her shirt in the pale light that sneaks through the blackout curtains. She doesn’t even know if he can really make much of her shirt out, smushed and wrinkled as it is while she’s laying down. “Because Rose is a terrible influence.”

Ben smiles and hums because he knows. “Are you cold?” he asks and Rey closes her eyes, sighing and feeling soft that he remembered. She nods against the pillow and makes a sleepy noise of not quite protest, but definitely displeasure at being moved. Then she’s in Ben’s arms again. She hadn't realized how much she missed it, mutters some quiet words to tell him so. Rey sighs quietly and falls asleep to the feeling of Ben's lips pressed against her head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eternal gratitude to RebelRebel for looking over this one for me.

Rey whimpers, arching into the touch on her body. Lips press lingering kisses to the back of her neck while a large warm hand holds her hip, something hard and insistent presses against her and she wriggles back against it, drawing a gasp from the mouth against her skin.

Rey’s eyes fly open and Ben freezes behind her. “Shit,” he hears him swear, slowly pulling back. “Shit.”

“Ben,” Rey whispers, startling him. He swears again as she rolls over to face him even as he tries to roll away from her. She halts him with a hand on his arm.

The sun is low in the sky now, amber glow suffusing the room and she’s easily able to watch his jaw clench and unclench.

“I’m sorry,” he hisses through his teeth and Rey sighs, scooting a little bit closer.

“Ben.” She watches his eyes close, his nostrils flare as he inhales.

“Don’t,” he says, voice clipped and Rey shrinks back from him, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what — I’m going to take a shower.”

Rey watches him get up, flinches when the door nearly slams behind him. It’s for the best, she decides with a sigh, she didn’t really have anything truly comforting to say about it that didn’t make her want to wince. 

She gets up and peeks into his closet, hoping for some sort of miracle, and does a happy dance when there in the back is a clear tote filled with vacuum-sealed bags labeled ‘Ben’s clothes’.

“Rey?” Ben’s voice startles her, and she drops the lid of the tub.

“I’m in here,” she answers meekly, turning in time to watch him poke his head through the door.

“What are you doing?” He asks, looking and sounding confused.

“I was looking for something to wear?” She tugs at her shirt covered in boobs and Ben snorts. “We left in a hurry.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I was a mess and–”

“Ben, stop. It’s fine. I wasn’t– I was more worried about you and making sure I could get you here. I can run out to Target later tonight, I just need something for the hospital that isn’t mildly inappropriate or something I slept in and have been wearing for like twenty-four hours now.”

Ben blinks, and then steps inside with her with a nod. “Let’s see what kind of bullshit my mom kept.”

They come out with an old pair of athletic pants and an old black sweater, there’s a miniscule hole in it, but it’s sinfully comfortable. “What the hell, Ben. What did you eat as a kid?” she asks, tripping out of the bathroom in the pants. She pulls the strings as tight as she can and ties it, then bends down to roll up the bottoms.

“Just regular food.” he shrugs, looking amused. “I’ve always been tall.”

“Stupidly tall,” she huffs, catching a pair of socks he throws at her. “How do I look?” she asks once they’re on.

“Cute,” Ben says with a smile. “Ridiculous.”

There’s a knock on the door and then it cracks open, Leia peeking her head in. “Luke and I are getting ready to leave soon, do you want to drive together, or separate?”

“I can drive over,” Ben answers, “I have to take Rey shopping.”

Leia finally takes in what Rey is wearing and she smiles a little. “Oh my. Okay, well, I’ll see you both there.”

“Mom, wait.” Rey looks away, at the rumpled sheets on the bed while Ben hugs Leia. They hug for a long moment, and Leia sniffs a little when they pull back from one another.

“Don’t take too long,” she says with a watery smile.

“We won’t,” Ben assures her, and Rey quickly slips on her boots, tucking the extra fabric of Ben’s pants down inside.

“I’m ready!” Rey declares, zipping up her sweatshirt as the front door swings closed behind Luke and Leia.

“Okay,” Ben says. “About this morning–”

“Don’t worry about it, Ben,” she says, waving off his worry, even as she felt her cheeks heat with a blush. “Or, we can worry about it later, but I’m not mad at you.”

She practically jogs down the stairs, Ben’s steps loud behind her. “You should be,” he mutters, opening the front door, letting her out before him, then locking up behind them.

“Nah, you’re clearly beating yourself up enough on your own.” She slips into the passenger's seat, well aware that he wants to drive this time and there’s no point in arguing with him about something like that. “It was one hell of a way to wake up though,” she says with a grin once they’re on the road and Ben brakes maybe a little harder than he needs to at a stop sign.

“Rey,” Ben practically growls, and Rey presses her thighs together feeling guilty, well aware now is really not the time. “Later.”

“Okay,” she squeaks, nodding quickly in agreement.

She inhales deeply outside of the car in the vast parking lot of the hospital, the cold air sharp and biting. It wakes her up. Ben lingers on his side of the car, staring up at the looming building looking a bit grey. 

“Ben,” she whispers, her voice cutting through the quiet evening. “We should go in,” she tells him, all of the awkwardness and forced humor from the moment they woke up disappearing in an instant. He nods, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallows. “I think no news is probably good news, yeah?” She tries to be reassuring but is sure she’s anything but.

Last night she had been too worried — about Han, about Ben — to focus on being in a hospital, but now she can’t push those thoughts aside. They all smell the same, a weird mix of sterile and the cleaning supplies they use. Those are fine, though — it’s the memories they tug at that make her stomach churn.

This time, she reaches for Ben.

“Rey,” Ben calls her name, tugging gently at her hand and she turns to blink up at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, why?”

“You’re muttering to yourself.”

She titters a laugh that makes him frown. “Am I? Sorry.” Rey has been letting him lead her around and is surprised to find that they’re already on the ICU floor.

Gently he pulls her aside, out of sight from his mother and Luke and bends a little to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong?”

“I suffer from the same ailment of many people and don’t like hospitals,” she informs him, tone sharp and angrier than it should be as her fingers twist nervously at her ring. Then she swaps it to her other hand, just in case anyone might happen to notice.

“Rey,” Ben tries again and she focuses on him.

“I’m sorry, I need to be here for you, and instead I’m a mess and I’m sorry.”

“Rey.”

“Can we talk about it later? I’ll be okay. I promise. We shouldn’t linger here, the doctors could be talking to your family about your dad. That’s more important.”

He looks skeptical but then nods. “Later,” he agrees.

The list of things they need to talk about later is growing.

Ben leans against her when the doctor enters the room. He begins talking, explaining the surgery, the complication. The word has Ben pulling her in front of him, arms wrapping around her from behind and chin resting on her shoulder. She listens to his shaky, shallow breathing. The complication boils down to the fact that brains are tricky, but everything turned out well on their end, now the only thing remaining to be seen was how Han reacted to everything. Rey sourly thinks that’s a cowardly way to say ‘if he wakes up from the coma they placed him in,’ but she holds her tongue.

There’s a lot thrown at them, more than their early AM visit, and fast, and by the end, Leia looks like she’s aged a decade, Luke not far behind her. They’ll be ‘waking’ him up today. There are more words about brains, but Rey is aware that while they aren’t waking him up in a traditional sense, where he could see them again and they could talk to him, they would be ‘waking him up’ to do checks, make sure everything is still functioning on a normal level. 

With any luck, and good test results now, by tomorrow he could be resting normally. The doctor says some words that are meant to be kind but aren’t truly comforting. Leia lets Ben and Rey visit with Han first.

“This is bullshit,” Ben says as soon as the door to the room closes.

“Ben,” Rey sighs, taking a seat to watch Ben pace frantically around the room.

“Bullshit,” he says again and then throws himself into the chair opposite of her looking pained. “What if things aren’t okay?” he asks, voice small and Rey stares down at Han.

“He will be. Your mom caught it early, it’s going to be okay. He’s healthy otherwise, so–” she trails off, there are not many comforting things she can really say right now. 

“I should visit more often,” Ben tells her between the steady beeps of the monitors.

“Maybe.”

“I live close and I only visit once a year, that’s so shitty of me.”

“Ben,” Rey tries to interrupt, but he keeps going, spiraling about being a terrible son and then she’s up out of her chair when she sees his lower lip tremble. “Ben,” she says again, soothing now, reaching for him, going willingly as he pulls her close.

“I’m a mess,” he tells her, voice muffled by her shirt.

“You’re allowed to be,” she tells him.

“I feel so useless, helpless — I _know_ there’s nothing I can be doing to help, but the feelings won’t go away.”

“That’s normal, Ben,” she assures him and hears him grunt in response. “My grandmother,” she starts quietly, and feels him freeze around her, “she was in the hospital before she died. It was two weeks after I graduated college and she fell. She never recovered from the trauma, and near the end, she was just sort of this shell that looked like my grandmother but wasn’t her. I hated it. How useless I felt. I wanted to be doing something, but what could I do but sit there next to her? I miss her every day. I know how you’re feeling Ben, so I mean it when I tell you your feelings are normal.”

“It sucks.”

“I know.”

Eventually, he stands up, knows his mother is waiting. Ben takes a minute to squeeze Han’s hand, whisper that he loves him and then his hand is sliding into hers, squeezing painfully tight once more as they leave the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I add the good boy sweater? You bet! It had originally been a normal boring shirt, but I had to, lol.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, to RebelRebel for looking this over for me.

Rey grabs a cart, tugging on it with a quiet grunt when it sticks to the cart behind it for a moment before it gives. Ben has his hands in his pockets and looks entirely unimpressed at her antics, but far less stressed now that he knows Han woke up just fine. Leia had sent them off after Han had fallen back asleep, they were all told to expect that going forward, the amount of rest needed was a lot.

“Shush,” she tells him, wheeling around him and towards the clothes on the left.

“Wasn’t gonna say anything,” he answers from behind her.

“Sure you weren’t,” she teases, pushing her way between racks of dresses meant to be worn to holiday parties. Rey stops at a display of long sleeve shirts and grabs two, one in black, the other white and then moves on. She picks through the graphic tee selection and happens to glance up at Ben. “You look like one of those uncomfortable boyfriends who isn’t sure how they ended up going shopping.”

Ben looks startled and frowns. “I do not.”

Rey laughs, chucking two more shirts into the cart and moving on. The jeans she decides to try on, because god knows no company made sizes the same. “I’ll be right back, watch the cart,” she tells Ben, starting to walk off.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“To try these on.” She holds up the pants and waves them, then smirks a bit, “Unless you wanna come?”

He blushes and coughs a bit. “Maybe next time,” he offers, and the surprise on Rey’s face is so obvious he laughs.

Twenty minutes later they’re loading her purchases into his car and she yawns.

“I’m starving,” she announces, aware that all they’ve eaten so far today have been small snacks and nothing substantial.

“Yeah, me too, wanna order pizza when we get home?” he asks, starting the car.

“I like pizza,” she agrees with a nod.

Luke and Leia are both at the house when they get there. Ben tells them he’s going to order pizza, and they both blink in surprise. They haven’t eaten either.

Rey hovers with her things in the doorway as they discuss what to order and from where.

“You know what I like,” she eventually tells Ben. “I’m gonna go toss my stuff in the wash, I’ll be back.”

Ben waves in acknowledgment of her and then she leaves. Their laundry room, like much of the rest of the house, is somewhat extravagant. It’s huge, for one thing, housing the normal washer and dryer, but also a large sink and a rack for clothes to air dry and a long table for what Rey guesses is for folding things. There’s a rod above it to sort hanging clothes and an ironing board that you can pop out from the wall.

Rey tosses all of her bags onto the counter and begins getting them ready to wash, removing tags and stickers and tugging the underwear off of their funny little hangers. She throws everything in the same load and grabs a Tide pod and adds that too. She’s fiddling with the settings when Ben appears in the doorway, making her jump when he greets her.

“Shit,” she gasps, bracing her hands on the top of the machine and turning to glare at Ben.

“Sorry,” he replies, looking a little sheepish, but stepping into the room. She turns to watch him pick up one of the tags she left scattered around. “Pizza should be here within the hour.”

“Okay.” Rey watches for a moment more as he begins cleaning up her mess, putting everything into one of the bags before she turns and finally hits start. “How’s things?” she asks, approaching him and hopping up onto the counter next to where he stands.

“Good. Everything looked good, he was still asleep when they left, so that's good. They’re hopeful about his recovery from here.”

“That's good,” Rey whispers, and Ben nods, still picking up little bits of paper and the plastic from the tags. “You don’t have to do that,” she tells him, settling her hand over his, stilling his progress.

He inhales, long and slow, then flips his hand over beneath hers, making Rey gasp as his fingers move over her palm. “I wanted to,” he tells her, gaze focused on their hands and she swallows, feeling the weight of words left unsaid. She freezes when he finally looks up at her, can’t decipher his expression, and then he breathes her name.

“Oh,” she answers quietly as he leans closer, long fingers moving to fully hold her hand and part of her wrist. She shivers, eyes fluttering closed as his other hand comes up to cup her right cheek. His forehead presses against hers and his thumb brushes against the corner of her mouth. Rey gasps and the thumb grows bolder, running over her lower lip, pressing gently against the center of it.

She can feel his breath against her face, but she refuses to open her eyes to look at him again, terrified of what she might see, but wanting, longing to see it too. Instead she does the reckless thing and laps at the tip of his thumb with her tongue, then drops her mouth open further to be able to nip gently at it. Ben’s whole body jolts against hers and she finally does open her eyes to find him staring hungrily at her.

“Rey,” he whispers, and she hums around the digit between her teeth. With a gentle tug, he’s free, and Rey’s smug grin is smothered with a kiss.

It's been a handful of hours since she woke up with his lips on her skin, and she’s greedy for it. This kiss is nothing like those quick few perfunctory ones they shared last month. This kiss feels like everything. It’s slightly awkward, only because of the angle, Ben’s one arm stuck between their bodies as he keeps gripping Rey’s hand. Her fingers curl around his broad palm and her left hand reaches towards him, gripping the fabric of his shirt near his waist. His left hand tilts her head, thumb pressing against her jaw. Rey whimpers against him, hand tightening on his shirt when his tongue enters her mouth, sliding against hers. He tastes like stale hospital coffee and the gum he bought while they were out, spearmint. She feels his groan before she hears it, an answer to the noises she’s making.

A moment later and she’s tugging at his shirt. He releases her hand, reaching for the other side of her. They shift until he’s standing between her thighs. Ben grabs her hip and slides her easily over the surface of the counter until she’s flush against him. She feels as though she’s on fire, never wants to be put out, even if she burns from the inside out.

“Hey you two — oh–” Luke’s voice comes from the doorway. Ben springs back from her, away from her mouth, but he doesn’t go far, hands still on her body. “Sorry,” he clears his throat, “I’ll uh, sorry. Leia wanted to know if you both wanted wine?”

Rey’s chest is heaving, and her mind is having trouble catching up with this sudden turn of events. Her fingers unclench slightly from Ben’s shirt and she licks her lips.

“Yes,” Ben answers for them both, voice low, “wine would be great.”

“Great,” Luke answers, and Rey blinks, eyes trained on Ben’s neck where she can see his pulse, it looks fast.

“Uncle Luke,” Ben eventually says, when he lingers in the doorway.

“Right, uh, wine, right.”

There’s a shuffling of steps and Rey glances to the doorway to find it empty and she sighs, dropping her head onto Ben’s chest. She feels him stiffen beneath her, watches his feet move and she pulls at his shirt. “Don’t go,” she whispers, then pulls back to look up at him. He looks wrecked, color high on his cheeks, lips red and swollen, she imagines she looks similar. He is refusing to meet her gaze and she sighs. “Ben, look at me,” she tries, frowning as she watches his jaw tense and release, then finally he looks at her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and she frowns, “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Ben.” She shifts, tightening her thighs around him. “Please don’t apologize for kissing me,” she tells him sternly.

“I feel like I should,” he tells her, voice quiet and she rolls her eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t _mean_ to?” She asks, voice harsher than she means it to be, but his words sting.

“It just doesn’t feel like the best time.” Rey reaches for him even as he disentangles himself from her.

“Ben,” she tries again but he’s already leaving the room. He glances back at her from the doorway, hesitates like he might say something, but then he’s gone, and Rey is alone.

She pulls her legs up onto the counter, scooting back against the wall and rests her head on her knees. “Shit,” she mumbles, feeling tears prick at her eyes. Now isn’t the time, she thinks, blinking furiously to keep them at bay. Pizza will be here soon, plus what kind of fiancee cries after getting caught making out. Pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes she straightens her legs.

Today has been a lot. She knows this. They’re both running on little sleep and a lot of stress. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since she got his call.

“Rey?” Leia’s voice startles her. Rey jumps and flushes guiltily at being caught sitting on the counter and she moves to slide off of it, sure she shouldn’t be up there. “Rey,” Leia says, putting up her hand to stall her. “Are you okay?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Rey’s voice warbles as Leia comes closer.

“I’m fine, I’ll be fine, and so will Han. Now, tell me what that idiot son of mine did to upset you.”

Rey manages to laugh before she starts crying, burying her face in hands once more. Leia’s arms are strong as they come around her and Rey cries harder. 

“What did he do?” Leia asks, sounding almost furious as Rey calms her sobbing.

“Nothing,” she hiccups, “he didn’t do anything.”

“You don’t need to protect him, Rey, if he did something — he may be an adult, but I am still his mother.”

Rey manages a weak laugh and wipes at her eyes. “It’s okay, I’m okay, I just — I just love him,” she whispers, the confession tumbling from her lips easily. She doesn’t feel as surprised as she should at confessing first to Ben’s mother.

“Oh, sweetheart, I know. I’m so glad he has you, I can’t imagine the mess he would be about all of this without you. He’s scared, and I know my son, he tends to be the biggest idiot when he’s scared. He’ll come around and apologize for whatever he did here. Now, come on, let’s eat, we all need it, and then get some proper sleep, okay?”

“I don’t know,” Rey hesitates, even as Leia pulls her down to the floor.

“You’re eating, Rey. Even if you just take a few slices and come back here to wait for the laundry to finish so you can switch it over.”

“Okay,” she agrees, attempting to right her clothes and hair. She swipes at her wet eyelashes and nods at Leia who is smiling tenderly at her.

There are four boxes of pizza sitting on the giant island in the counter, two plates and two glasses of wine are waiting. Rey shuffles over, grabbing the legs of her borrowed pants and pulling them up so she doesn’t trip.

Leia unstacks the boxes and peeks inside of each one. “Pepperoni, an everything, Hawaiian and a veggie pizza.” She makes a face at the mention of the last one and Rey laughs a bit.

“If you don’t like it, don’t eat it!” Luke shouts from the living room and Leia rolls her eyes.

“Hawaiian to start,” Rey decides, reaching for the box Leia pushes across to her. She artfully stacks pizza on her plate, covering the most surface area she can and then hops up onto a chair at the island.

“You can eat in the living room,” Leia assures her, but Rey smiles sadly around a bite of ham and pineapple and Leia shrugs, “suit yourself then.”

There’s a hushed discussion from the other room, she can’t make out the words but does hear the low timbre of Ben’s voice in response to whatever Leia says. There’s a lot of back and forth and Rey doesn’t remember the last time she ate so fast. Possibly college — her first time in the dining hall. She rinses her plate off in the sink and picks up the large glass of wine, retreating back into the safety of the laundry room.

She transfers everything into the dryer and then hops back up onto the counter to sip her wine and scroll through her social media feeds.

Instagram was full of people she knew getting ready for Christmas, parties with friends, pictures of drinks, a ton of pictures of animals dressed up that led Rey down a rabbit hole of images of cute dogs and cats.

It’s nearly ten when the dryer finally buzzes and she sighs, stretching her limbs before hopping down to grab her stuff. She crams it all in one Target bag and then wanders back through the house to put her wine glass back in the kitchen. All of the lights are out, save for the low light LED lights under all of the cabinets. It isn’t the first time she’s thought everything in this house is excessive, and is sure it won’t be the last, but she rinses her glass and sits it in the large sink next to the others.

Upstairs, she lingers in the hall, can see the light under the door to Ben’s room, isn’t sure she’s ready to deal with all of that, so as quietly as she can, she opens the door to her usual room. 

She sighs in relief when she gets it closed and no other doors open to check on her minimal noise.

“Took you long enough,” Ben’s voice comes from the darkness behind her and Rey screams, dropping her bag and crashing into the door.

“What are you doing in here?” she hisses, flicking on the light and glaring at him.

“Waiting for you,” he informs her like it should be obvious.

“The light is on in your room.”

“Well, yeah, I wanted you to think I was in there.”

She gapes at him and then bends down to pick up her bag. “But why?”

“Because I’m an idiot and an asshole and I knew you would keep trying to avoid me.”

“I wasn’t–” she starts but snaps her mouth shut when she sees him arching an eyebrow at her. “You ran away first,” she says, voice sounding petulant.

Ben nods, standing now and moving slowly towards her. “I did,” he agrees, “and I’m sorry.” Rey lets him approach, bites her lip then releases it. “I, uh, shit, okay, look, now obviously isn’t a _great_ time, and I don’t want you to think I’m using you to forget about my dad and all of this bullshit.” He’s right in front of her now and he touches her chin, tilting her face up to look her in the eye. “I’ve missed you,” he tells her.

“I’ve missed you too,” she tells him quietly, “and I didn’t think you were trying to use me.”

“When my mom called, you were all I could think of, the only person — I’m glad you picked up the phone. I was so scared you wouldn’t.”

“Oh, Ben,” Rey says, shoulders sagging, “I’ll always answer.”

He smiles, a small thing that barely masks the grief and fear in his eyes, but then he releases her face and pulls her closer, enveloping her in a tight hug.

“Please come to bed with me,” he whispers against her hair, “I don’t want to be alone.”

She could say ‘no’ and knows Ben wouldn’t blame her, but she can feel the way he’s trembling so she tells him yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a day, right?! 
> 
> Thank you all for your love and support for this fic so far. I don't want to say one step forward, two steps back with these two, but at least one...they'll get there.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but I think the end of the chapter might make up for the slight delay.
> 
> Thanks, as always, to RebelRebel for the beta!

Rey wakes up warm and comfortable, Ben’s arm heavy over her waist, breath displacing her hair with every exhale. 

Today is the day, she thinks, pulling at the blankets until they’re up over her shoulder once more. She’s nervous.

“Stop fidgeting,” Ben grumbles and Rey huffs, rolling over to face him.

“Sorry,” she yawns, “I can’t help it.”

Ben hums like he doesn’t believe her but doesn’t say anything else for a long time. When he does break the silence, he practically breaks her heart. “What if he doesn’t wake up again? What if yesterday was a fluke?” he asks, voice so quiet she almost doesn’t hear him.

“He will,” Rey answers firmly, then wriggles until she can see his face, then reaches up and grabs both cheeks. “He will, I’m sure the nurses and doctors were in at all hours checking on him,” she insists, then presses a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Rey,” Ben sighs, pulling away from her.

“Don’t, Ben, I kissed you this time,” she tells him simply, then lifts his arm off of her body to get out of bed. “What time are we going over?”

“As soon as we’re ready,” Ben answers quickly, and she nods, dumping out her bag onto his bed and rifling through her purchases to find what she wants to wear. They still have to talk about all of it, he apologized profusely last night, and while she understands, it still smarts a little, the way he ran.

They meet Leia and Luke downstairs. Luke insists on driving today, so they all clamber into his car — an ancient, pale blue VW Bus that Rey finds horrifically fascinating and Ben finds embarrassing. Leia complains about how slow her brother drives nearly the whole way to the hospital, and it almost feels like normal. The air is crisp and cool when she steps out of the vehicle, sky just starting to brighten with the day. She reaches for Ben as he closes the door and they trail Luke and Leia inside.

They know the way now, she barely needs to pay attention to the signs directing them to the right place. As soon as they arrive a nurse at the desk flags them down, lets them know the doctor wants to speak to them, and Rey’s stomach does a strange swooping thing, but then she smiles and lets them know Han is doing great.

So they wait.

Rey’s knuckles are protesting the hard grip Ben has on her hand, but she remains silent because she’s squeezing back just as hard.

Han is breathing on his own, they had extubated him roughly an hour ago and now they are all waiting, still. Leia is in the room with him. Rey thinks Ben should be there too, but he’s refusing to relinquish his grip on her, so they’re lingering out in the hall. Luke is getting them all coffee from the cafeteria because it's better than the vending machines.

“He’s awake,” Leia says, poking her head out into the hall, eyes wet with tears.

“Go,” Rey insists, shaking at Ben’s hand until he loosens his hold.

“Okay,” he finally answers, and Leia beams, reaching for her son. They leave the door cracked open so she can peek in. Not that she can see much, the light blue curtain, the end of the bed, a sliver of the window and the overcast sky. It looks like snow.

“Here you go.” Luke offers the cup holder out to her and she takes the one that has her name scribbled across it. “Cream, extra sugar.”

“Thanks,” she tells him with a smile, blowing into the small hole, knowing it doesn’t make a difference, but wanting to feel like it will anyway.

It’s bitter like it had been sitting out in a carafe too long, even though it came from a machine. But it still warms her up, after it burns her tongue.

Twenty minutes later they’re all sitting down with a team of doctors and Rey wants to run away from the room because she feels like she doesn't belong, but she watches Ben’s leg bounce and keeps her face calm.

There will be therapy, lots of it, physical and mental. He’ll be moved out of the ICU by tomorrow unless something happens. A tense hope fills the room at the news that he could possibly be going home within the week.

Rey is in the room with Han and Ben before they’re getting ready to leave for the evening when he wakes up again as a nurse comes in to change out his IV fluids.

“Hey kid, Rey,” he rasps, just a little slurred.

“Hey Dad,” Ben greets, hand squeezing hers hard again as she says her own hello.

“I’m in the hospital,” he says slowly, looking around and Rey hears Ben inhale sharply.

“Yeah, Dad, you are,” Ben says, agreeing like he had been told to, doesn’t mention that Han had also already been told about his situation.

“Well, I feel fine.”

“I know. It’s just for a bit longer. Do you want me to send Mom in?”

“Your mother is here?”

Ben’s voice is thick when he answers now, “Yeah.” He stands with Rey. “I’ll go get her.”

* * *

“It’s hard,” Ben confides in the safety of his room after a long, silent ride home. She’s sitting at the foot of the bed, watching him methodically fold and put away all of the clothes she had bought yesterday into his dresser. “I don’t even–” he slams the drawer closed and winces. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Ben,” Rey tries, watching his shoulders tense and his fists clench. “It’s a lot. And I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, or that I even know what to say. Just — I’m just here, okay?” The words are there, ready to slip out, but she bites them back and takes a sudden interest in the duvet cover.

“I know,” he says, “I know.” He sits heavily beside her and gently bumps his shoulder into hers. “We should probably talk,” he speaks eventually.

Rey chews at her lip and nods, pulling a leg up and tucking a foot beneath her thigh. “Sure. Who talks first?” This at least gets a smile out of him and she turns to face him, tucking her legs up on the bed and he glances over at her, but then stares down at his hands as if they hold all of the answers. “I wasn’t mad that you kissed me, I wasn’t even mad that you left, because I get it, why you wouldn’t — but it did hurt.”

He flinches and turns to face her. “I didn’t mean to,” he says sounding helpless. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have–” he winces and tries again when Rey doesn’t say anything or offer him an out. “It’s not a good time. I know I already said that, but I don’t ever, _ever_, want you to think I’m using you, Rey.”

She sits for a moment before reaching for him. “I didn’t think that, and I don’t think that, and I won’t ever think that. I know you, Ben. You’re one of my best friends, and you’re so good, even when you think you aren’t.” Rey can see the beginning of a blush form on the apple of his cheeks and he opens his mouth to speak but Rey reaches up and presses her fingertips against his mouth. “I’m not done,” she says, slowly retracting her hand, “and I need to say this, it’s the most important part — I want you to kiss me again, whenever you want. And I want to kiss you, and hold your hand just because and not for show and maybe I _want_ you to sneak into a dressing room with me sometime, and I want to wear your stupidly large sweaters sometimes too. I like waking up with you, I like that you try to pretend to not sing in the shower when you know I’m in here getting ready too. I like _you,_ Ben. So much. I probably wouldn’t have called into work and told them to fuck off if that wasn’t the case. And I know you said it’s not a good time and–” Rey releases a small surprised _oomf_ when Ben interrupts her with a hard kiss.

“I want that too,” he tells her, mouth against hers for a lingering moment before he pulls back. There are tears in his eyes and Rey reaches up to gently rub her thumb over his cheek, “but I also don’t–”

Rey smiles and cuts him off quietly. “Ben, you can take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”

He sags into her embrace, forehead pressed to her shoulder as his arms come around her back. He sighs, “I love you.”

Rey feels him tense beneath her touch, and she holds him tighter, turning her face to bury her nose in his hair and kiss him again. “I know.” Her voice trembles as she says it, and she swallows thickly. “Please don’t run again,” she begs, shifting to scoot into his lap. “I love you too.” She says the words against the whorl of his ear, feels dampness bloom across her collarbone and presses her own cheek back against his hair where it soaks up her own tears. “So I’ll be here, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/hellomelusine)


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